Thanks for your help yesterday.  In the afternoon my A and I spent some time with my extended family.  My A got blamed for doing something inappropriate, not horrible, not due to alcohol, and now she is completely depressed as my sister-in-law went berserk in front of others.  I have learned since then that my A was in the right, and my sister-in-law completely out of bounds.  So first, I see how easy it is for me to think my A is GUILTY of whatever accusation is made, because her behavior has been so off for so long.  Secondly, I was thinking of intervening until my alanon brain woke up and said "stay out of it."  It's not my business.  I have resigned my post of family fixer.  I did make one suggestion to my A but that's where I stop.  Just another fun holiday with my family, Lyne