The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just read the messages on abuse on the message board here and I am in a violent situation. I said to him very clearly, this is the last and final time you will ever grab me again. I said I will call the police and have you charged with domestic violence, and you will be kept away from here. I did not argue with him just stated the facts. He is leaving tomorrow for work, and I will be calling the domestic violence hot line to get support. I need as much strength as I can get now to follow through on the calling the police on him. I am at the end of my rope with this bs and he knows it. He is now hung over and I said to him what he did. I need to get stronger and follow through! I am getting there. I am also going to a face to face Al-anon meeting tomorrow night and I read some AA stuff today as well. I am getting there and I know I am going to follow through! His ass will be out of here! I am done and he knows it! This is about me now! I just had to share this!
I am so glad you are taking steps to protect yourself. Remember that you can't control what he does, you can only control what you do. This is not to say that restraining orders and things like that should be not used when needed. But you don't have to tell him what you're going to do (indeed, sometimes that just makes them madder). Even though I know it is infuriating. And we do tend to get sucked into wanting him to acknowledge the terrible behavior, or face it. That just keeps the focus on them, when our new focus should be on us. He doesn't need to know anything about your future plans, remember, in case you're tempted as I have been.
The most important thing is to develop a plan of how you're going to keep yourself safe - whether you are going to leave (when, how, where) or whether you will be safe if he leaves (if he can be made to leave), and how you'll go on from there. One thing to be aware of is that often when we're out of a situation, our (temporary) loneliness and "selective amnesia" can mean that we start reminiscing about the person and missing him. We start to dwell on the good parts that were once there, and we downplay the bad parts. This is the time when many people go back to their abusers. We simply lose sight of how horrible it was. That's another reason we need lots of meetings, support, recovery, reading, sponsor, etc. I wrote a long list of terrible things he'd done so I wouldn't lose sight of it, because I did a few times.
Take good care. Get as much support as you can. We're rooting for you.
(((Joker))) - lovely job of practicing some self-care today. You are stronger than you think. I applaud the boundary you established with your qualifier too - it takes courage to say what we mean and mean what we say...
Perfect plan to talk with and get support from the DV resources in your community. They will give you counsel and suggestions that fit your situation and your needs. I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!
Know that we're all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Take care of yourself. You don't need to tell him because then you have painted yourself into a corner and you will have to do what you threatened to do or he will laugh at you and not believe you the next time. Just keep it to yourself until the time is right to act.
Good for you. You sound strong. I got help from the police with my ex ah and son. It's a common occurrence with alcoholism. It's too much to deal with alone.
I learned that doing the right thing is good for everyone and it gives the drinker their dignity. Proper consequences are the tool we learn by. Hiding and covering up bad behaviour in an alcoholic keeps the disease strong and is deadly for them. When I learned this it freed me to take my life back for myself instead of being a hostage to an insane unpredictable sick person. F2f meetings were a must for me when I was where you are.
Claim back your life, no one needs to live this way.x I will pray for you. You can do it.
