The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I woke up this morning feeling anxious and having anxiety.
This guy who I have been seeing went out last weekend to a benefit, and he was totally wasted. He had fallen down, wanted to fight and gave my 20-year-old son 20.00, then tried to convince him to go up to the bar and buy drinks.. I can say I am very proud of my son that he he did not do this and gave the money back to him.. His ways of thinking are so distorted and twisted, but that tells me the disease is only getting worse. I had convinced him to not fight that night, yet I find myself today thinking I should have let him go, as I hope he does recover from this horrible disease. I would not want to be in the way if he does choose to recover. He puts himself down to the point that makes me sick, and I then try so hard to bring him back up...but something is missing here. I seem to be the one who is doing most of the giving, and he sits back and does the taking. Yep, the demon~~Miller Lite wins again. I know I must be very firm with boundaries and follow through with them...
He has a wonderful 13 year old son and he and I get along very well. It is very sad his son has to witness the crap with his drinking. He has been reported to social services, but I don't think it matters to him.
He seen me on Sunday and I was crying, then asked what was wrong, I said nothing and said it's not important, and he replied it is important..Funny thing is, I have not heard from him since..so that tells me his booze is all that means anything to him. If I was that important to him, I feel he would have contacted me to visit. I almost called last nite, but thought things through and never did. I am proud of myself as I am stronger than this dam disease and wont' let it take me down..
I find my mind racing around that he is with other women, but I know that is beyond my control. I guess today I am feeling rejected and lonely. He is bankrupt on an emotional level at this point in time and I know I cannot count on him for any emotional support. I know the alcoholic is very selfish and hurts anyone for no reason. I have the book " getting them sober"..and I have learned so much and know that I have done nothig wrong or caused him to act so ugly.
Day by day, things will get better. I trust and have faith in God and one day, he will open up a new door for me with sunshine and love. Thanks for listening.
My prayers are with you. When I saw this..... "but something is missing here. I seem to be the one who is doing most of the giving, and he sits back and does the taking. "
I also see answers within the words. I just want to say ** Take careYOU! **
Diane: I have to say now Diane when I see a taker I think of alcohol and the boundaries come in very very quickly. I become more intuitive about setting them down. I am so glad that you are taking care of yourself. I do think it is sad that some people cannot participate in relationship.What was sadder for me was that I kept on trying. Now I do not try as hard. I come back to al-anon and I get many of my needs met here. I make plans.
I am sorry your son was involved in this debacle but I am glad tha the can talk to you about it and be centered. What a great thing to have a mother to talk to about the spectacle of alcoholism. He will at some time encounter it again and remain centered.
I don't think alcohol means more to an alcoholic than anything. I think they hate it on some level. At the same time it is no longer my struggle to persuade them to give it up.
When you said MillerLite did I relate. ML won out my last attempt at I divorced in the 70's. Was a long time b4 I tried again in 90's. ML won. Glad I had some background with family and program. Evenso, I fell in the trap of trying to fix what I picked. . I had to make myself give up on the of helping them to what I wanted.
As long as I did there was no Took alot of Then I Was quite a learning experience. As I read your post and related I thought of a trip to the grocery store and staying off that isle. They still stay in touch, but I have reconstucted my fences. I still feel very for them but I know if I go there what will happen.
I'm back to the and I have 5 kittens that survived Katrina and Rita with me. They are 10mths old now. Its not the same but sure are alot of fun and love. AND best of all I found my way back to the program.
Hugs Lots of
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Dear Diane, Thank you for your share. To me, anxiety is one of the hardest things to live with. But as you wrote, you seemed to get in touch with other feelings, like sadness and loneliness. It sounds as if something new and good is working in you! Thank you for sharing yourself with us. Blessings, mebjk
Thank you all for your support. This disease is hell on me. I will make it though, as I told myself I would rather be alone and lonely than to be with someone and be miserable.
Oh D53, I am so happy that your kittens survived the hurricanes and bless your heart for taking such good care of them..as they give us so much unconditional love.
Thanks again everyone your great friends and support on here~Blessings.
~~Miller Lite wins again. I know I must be very firm with boundaries and follow through with them...
**
MillerLite did I relate. ML won out my last attempt at 
I divorced in the 70's. Was a long time b4 I tried again in 90's. 
. I had to make 
myself give up on the 
of helping them to what I wanted. 
Took alot of 
Then I 
Was quite a learning experience. As I read your post and related I thought of a trip to the grocery store and staying off that isle. They still stay in touch, but I have reconstucted my 
fences. I still feel very 
for them but I know if I go there what will happen.
and I have 5 kittens that survived Katrina and Rita with me. They are 10mths old now. Its not the same but sure are alot of fun and love. AND best of all I found my way back to the program.