The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone
This is my first post. A little background, I got with my X when we were 19 & 21. Right before my 21st birthday we unexpectedly got pregnant and got married a few months before we had our son in the summer of 2014.
I always knew XH was an alcoholic, but he was sober our entire relationship. He sporadically attended meetings the first 6 months of our relationship but stopped going when his sponsor went to prison.
After we got married our relationship became verbally abusive. I'll admit both of us were guilty of that. XH was constantly losing jobs. He had a criminal record so he was always working min wage jobs. He took a night shift job right before I delivered our son and we rarely saw each other for the first 10 months of our sons life. After our baby was born I started counseling and asked him to go to marriage counseling. I committed to fighting fairly, no name calling etc even tho my husband did not. A month before our son turned 1 I moved out with our son. I was tired of the name calling, the fights. I immediately suspects XH was drinking again but no proof. Six weeks after we split, he called me crying and begged for a 2nd chance. Told me he had been drinking but claimed he would stop. I stupidly agreed. We tried to fix us for a few months but I left again when he cheated.
We had a court date to decide custody of our son. XH didn't show. I got full custody and he has 14 hours of visitation a week. Now XH is drinking again in full force. He's been spotted in bars twice in the past week (small town) hours before his visits with our son. To top it off he filed for 50/50 joint custody days after our last court date, that trial is in the end of march.
I spend my time terrified for our son and sad for my ex. I know it's not my fault he's like this but I feel guilty. I'm sad for my son because this is his father. I'm scared my ex will get more custody. I was raised by an alcoholic and don't want that life for our son.
I'm not sure what I want out of this post but I'm not sure where to go from here. All the local meetings in my area are during my work hours
felixfelicis - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad you shared. Living with the disease is very difficult and I see that meetings in your area are during work. That does present challenges, and I don't know if this helps but there are 2 meetings each day here....check the upper left side for times and a link to the meeting/chat room.
I know many others who have used these when they are unable to find or get to a F2F (face to face) meeting. Perhaps that will get you started with Al-Anon, which is so very helpful in understanding the disease and how to find your own peace/truth within it.
In Al-Anon, we work to keep the focus on ourselves instead of the alcoholic and/or their behavior. We learn about the disease, how to set boundaries and also how to detach with love. My best suggestion is to read all you can about recovery - Alcoholism is a family disease and most everyone in a family setting is negatively affected by the disease.
My hope is you read around here, check out our meeting/chat room and find a bit of peace. There is hope, one day at a time, one moment at a time.
Keep coming back and know you are not alone!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Glad you found us. Earliest discovery usually earns best results. If you cannot get to a face to face meeting in your town (the hotline number for Al-Anon is usually in the white pages of your telephone book) we have on line meetings here twice daily and they are great. Al-Anon is considered a social model recovery program where those who have found support, help and healing are available to help those who have not yet. Please stick around with us and read and share. You are not alone and this is not the end of the world by any means. (((((hugs)))))
