The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This board has been my lifesaver. As some of your may know, my alcoholic BF has had another slip. He was sober for 3 months without a program. He has been drinking for 2 weeks now every third day. Its been a real challenge for me to work my program. Yesterday, I finally had enough! He had sat up all night talking to himself and continued to talk to himself the next day. I was not happy as I was tired as I had not slept well the night before from having to hear talk to himself in the living room to waking me up. I woke up with a firm determination not to be around the house all day. After cleaning up the house, I left for the day and had a fantastic day alone. I did not care if the house burnt down from a cigarette of his. I came home and the ABF was passed out on the couch. I thought finally, I will get a restful sleep, nope! He wakes up and the drinking starts again and the non stop talking. I tried to get away from him and he followed me around the house like a dog. It was one thought right after another. It was like he is schizophrenic and talking to himself. It was insane. I finally got upset as I had hear enough of this crazy talk that would not end. I could feel my mind going a bit wonky hearing this non stop talk. I knew if I did not do something for myself I would go down that schizophrenic trail myself. I went and got ear plugs and put them in. It helped and I finally was able to tune him out and take some sleeping pills myself so I could rest. With the ear plugs in and the sleeping pills I was able to pass out myself as he continued to talk to himself! It worked and I was able to rest without disruption. I felt great this morning as he came to and was a complete hangover mess. He has not had a drink today. I am grateful as I can not tolerate another night of non stop insane talking. He is completely nuts! There is no other explanation for it. This has been ongoing for the past 2 weeks, every time he drinks, its non stop talking-one thought after another and another. I find it was getting to me so bad yesterday as I had heard enough of the insane talking he does not remember saying. He is completely nuts and off the wall! Now he is sleeping and recovering. Plan B if he is going to drink again, which I know he will, keep an emergency bag available and leave to a hotel room or elsewhere till he gets sober. I know that I have to do this for my own sanity. Today, you can not get a work out of his mouth. The cat got your tongue today...I did treat him kind and with respect till I finally lost my patience. I said a few bad words to him and left the room. I can not deal with insanity! I am headed to a face to face meeting tomorrow. He says he will go to the AA meeting that is held the same time, will see. I do not believe a word he says. I am trying to maintain my sanity!
Oh, Joker, this is truly insanity. How miserable for you. If this is going to keep up - which it might, sadly - I hope you can find some other housing arrangement that will work for you.
It's amazing how accustomed we get to living in the insanity, isn't it? Imagine if someone said to us, "You can share a place with a person, but he's going to be staying up all night ranting for nights on end - it will be hard to get any sleep because of his ranting - do you want to move in or not?" And of course we'd say "No way!" But when the situation sneaks up on us, we start almost to think that it's acceptable. And when we put up with it, of course he thinks it's acceptable. We may protest or get mad, but when we stay and cope with it, he thinks, "Things going well! The world revolves around me as it should!"
Joker, I like your idea of packing an emergency bag. I did this myself, and I kept it in the trunk of my car. I just packed what I would need for an overnight. It was actually empowering when I picked out the items to put in the bag. It really helped reduce my anxiety about the alcoholic behavior.
What some of the old timers use to say they did when I first arrived, under these examples was to record the rant and then play it back for them. I am not sure how that worked out yet it put the alcoholic on notice about what they were doing when they were not under the influence and showed them what they were putting others thru. That always sounded too involved to me and yet I was into "if it works...it works". (((((hugs)))))
I always had a 'go bag' packed and I put a lock on all bedroom doors in the home (key locks). Granted, if one truly wanted to get to me, they could kick it/break it down, but a closed, locked door sent a message that I needed my space. I also had 3 girl friends who gave me keys, so if I truly needed a sane/quiet place to go, I could always do so.
All these 'actions' for me were part of my recovery and self-care. I was not very good at detaching in the beginning, so it's about practice, practice, practice. In time, at my home, when I stopped reacting, many of these types of scenarios stopped as they do like an audience/reactions (mine did).
I also went to as many meetings as I could as they grounded me over and over and over again.....one day at a time, keep putting you, your recovery, your program and your health first.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
How miserable for you. If this is going to keep up - which it might, sadly - I hope you can find some other housing arrangement that will work for you. 