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Since my last update, I have been working on focusing on myself. Its been great. The ex-ABF went on another drunk after sleeping for 2 days. He contacted his ex-wife and met her and said he is not coming home tonight. I said good, I do not have to listen to lies and drunk talk all night. She can listen to you. I had a great sleep and house was quite and I felt so much relief. I keep thinking, she can have the problem now. I am so grateful that I have hit my bottom and I now I do not care what he does, goes, anything. I have had enough of helping him and being there for his sorry ass. He can dig himself out this time. I am feeling a bit better today, and I will make that appointment with the lawyer to ensure my rights are protected regarding the house. The other night when he was again drunk, Monday night, he said he is going to give me back what I put in the house and I can leave. I am like not that easy. I have been in contact with a great lawyer and I get half of the value of the house. What am I going to do in the meantime, I am not sure. I have options. I talked to my mother back home and she said get him to buy you out and come home and buy a house here. That is another option for sure. I am just focused really hard on today and staying present. I have a sense that he will try and offer me what I put in and get me out but I am not accepting that. I have legal rights. I keep hearing the words, once a cheater always a cheater. I know in a matter of time, he will be down and out again, but again not my problem. I am trying to really think of just today and not let what he says and does emotionally effect me and instead just treat him like a roommate. A drunken roommate. I have lost all sense of love and respect toward him now and it will not come back. I am moving on, what ever that looks like. One thing is certain, I will not sleep with him ever again. That part is done. I am tried of the lies, cheating and insanity of his behaviors. I wish he would just get good and drunk and die. That would be the easy way! lol. I am still angry and hurt but I know today, I have support and that makes me want to keep detaching and letting go! Thanks everyone for your help!
((Joker)) I hear, that you are keeping the focus on yourself, detaching and trusting HP . These are all great alanon tools Keep on Keeping on . Positive thoughts on the way .
I feel so angry, I want to rip him apart! I feel used, abused and taken advantage of. I am angry that I allowed this sick man to have this much control over me. I know he spent the night with his ex-wife the one allegedly that took everything from him and she left and divorced him. I am angry at myself for being fooled. I am angry that I allowed myself to be vulnerable to his sickness. I am angry that I allow this sick man to have space in my head. I am just angry that I felt that there was hope. I just know I have to focus on today and get through this and I keep saying, the best is yet to come! That is what I am hoping on right now!
Joker what you are angry at for me was failed expectations and I had to learn to expect properly. That was a lesson of you don't get sanity from dealing with craziness. I was expecting from my alcoholic/addict wife that which she had no want or willingness to practice. I put her thru another hell trying to have her be someone and something she could not be. When I stopped doing that we both got better. The opposite of anger for me is acceptance and I love the consequences mind, body, spirit and emotions from practicing acceptance. It is a disease not a moral issue the program taught me...it is about being sick and not bad. Al-Anon at times for me was learning rocked science. Simple and I complicated. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
The alcoholic called me, I had posted on his facebook page thanks for the lies and I hope you have a good night with your ex wife, she allegedly stole everything from you and you are going back...he read that and was on the phone and I just hung up on him. I said, you should not have f***d around on me. He was mad and I just hung up! I am getting better! So proud of myself for not getting involved in the DRAMA. Not my drama, not my circus. I have to really work hard not to react! I am so angry! But I know this too shall pass, and I do not need to engage in the drama!! He said I am boring! I guess I must be doing something right! lol
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 27th of January 2016 02:11:45 PM
