The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for January 27 speaks about self-pity and martyrdom. It points out that many times we read, or interpret a meaning into another's action that is not true. We need to learn to take things at face value and stop translating others actions or motives. .
The quote is from One Day at a time in Al-Anon; "the whole purpose of Al-Anon is to help us iron out the rough spots of our living and It can be done only one day at a time."
This sounds so very simple. I have found that one day at a time, focused on my alanon tools, reciting the serenity prayers, examining my motives , I can live life with acceptance love and compassion . By trusting that HP will provide me will al the information I need, I can stop projecting and live life with courage, serenity and wisdom.
I love the quote for the ODAT for today The reading centers on keeping the focus on ourselves, not nagging or judging another and the quote reminds us :"that if we moan and groan about the alcoholic we are wallowing in self pity because we have ,at our command the power to climb out of the pit, if we have the "courage to change" the things we can.
Thanks hotrod... I'm having a really hard time today not panicking at the thought of losing someone very close to me... and continually pushing myself into his life - which WILL cause me to lose him.
I am wallowing in self-pity. My BF has been in recovery for 9 years. we have only recently started dating, but have known each other and been best friends for 30 years. I've discovered that I grew up in an alcoholic influenced household where my needs were never met, and consequently have relied on other people my whole life to fulfill my needs.
That does not mesh well with a recovering alcoholic.
I'm rambling, but I'm finding it very hard to detach and focus on myself today... when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear.
Welcome Marnie Thanks for sharing with such honesty and clarity. You do not indicate if you are attending alanon meetings at this time. If not I urge you to check out the face to face meetings in your community and attend The hot line number is in the white pages.
When I felt as you have described, I found that taking the next right action -(going to a meeting, calling an alanon friend, reading alanon literature) all helped me to move on to a more productive place. We also have on line meetings here 2xs a day and our chat room is open 24/7 You are not alone -so please keep coming back.
Aloha Marnie and welcome to the MIP family...I can relate to what you have shared and where you are at because of course "been there and done that". It was the best I could do with what I had at that time and so there I was...it was painful and temporary because of what I learned as Hotrod shared. I needed to know more and experience more cause if nothing changed...nothing changed. Meetings, program friends, literature, sponsor and the like were different than what I was in the habit of doing and as I got difference from those tools my life changed. Building a relationship with my Higher Power was gold as I relied on HP and was patience for HP's responses my life changed very nicely. Stick around...keep coming back...listen and learn and practice, practice, practice. (((((hugs)))))
I have been going to meetings, reading all the literature, and I felt I needed to go to a meeting this morning so jumped into the online one. I find it impossible, at this moment, to separate myself from these feelings. I know if I continue to work it, it will help, but today, right now, I just don't see the light.
That reminds me of a lesson from my early sponsor...."When in doubt don't". I stopped "trying" to fix anything because I didn't have any idea how to fix what I didn't know was broke" and just relaxed, did nothing but read literature. Another sponsor gift which came from the literature was that "Sometimes when I don't see the light it is because I am standing in the way of it". Sun is coming over the horizon right now and it is powerful and beautiful. I will leave the house for a moment and go outside as it comes up and chant an ancient Hawaiian Chant; E ala E which is about as the sun rises the darkness goes down...the awareness arrives and the doubt and unknowing disappear. I will keep you in mind while chanting it. (((hugs)))
Thanks Betty for the daily and for your ESH.....I spent a ton of time trying to fix, change, manage, control everyone/everything around me before I arrived. Gosh.....it was so tiring, I didn't even know how tired I was until I stopped all of 'this' and looked at me. I did not understand why others did not want to do what I suggested (forced, cried, screamed) and I was a slow learner about what was within my scope and what was outside my scope.
Others lead me and helped me until I could feel my HP begin to guide me. He'd been there all along, but I was too busy fixing/controlling others to feel/know it. I am so grateful I only have to focus on me and this day. I will be forever grateful for these concepts given to me by this program. They all apply in all my affairs now, and it's nice to be a part of vs. a part from.
marnie - good luck with your meeting tonight! Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
