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Hey there MIP family!!! I just remembered that I am to chair our local F2F meeting on Wednesday. The topic is gossip. I am very distracted by events in my real life so would love to draw upon you all to get some input.
What I do know that I intend to share is that gossip is considered one of three obstacles to success in Al-Anon (Gossip, Dominance and Discussion of Inappropriate Topics).
What I also know is that when I spend time gossiping, I am focused outside myself and therefore not working on myself and therefore not growing.
When I/we gossip, it creates an unnecessary judgmental and competitive environment where others are uncomfortable about being real and/or expressing their feelings. Therefore, gossip truly undermines Al-Anon's healing nature.
So, our format is the chair person talks for a bit, then we break up into smaller groups. Any insight, input, ideas, etc. would be helpful!
Thanks in advance!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It sounds to me as if you already have a firm grasp of the topic. No wonder you're picked for that topic.
By consciously leaving gossip out of my day, I am free to connect with our similarities. It makes my life richer, because I can more easily learn and appreciate. Specifically at meetings, I am open to the wisdom of our program as it is applied to our situations.
I think of it like the force of making pottery. I put clay on a wheel, then I proceed to take away the part of the clay that is not the object I am making. It clears the way.
For me gossiping is incompatible with gratitude. When I fill up on feeling grateful, I have no room to think of anyone's drama, shortcomings, etc. I am tending my own garden.
Lovely, lovely input Jill!! I love that you wrote gossiping is incompatible with gratitude! I will borrow and share! TY and (((Hugs)))!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I've noted that the more people have come to understand that I won't participate in or take an interest in gossip or drama, the more likely they are to share honestly and calmly with me if they want another head to nut out a problem with them- which leads to rewarding and solution focused conversations about issues rather than pointless and destructive wailing and accusing. I like this aspect; it makes me feel capable and happy in myself
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I agree, IAH it does sound as if you have a great handle on the topic. Since working the program, I find that gossip feels so destructive and unkind to me that I honestly cannot participate any longer. When I speak at a meeting, I always like to include a reading from alanon literature on the topic for the day-as this seems to center the topic and shares .
The C2C has 2 great reading on the topic of "Gossip" --Review page 25 and 300 to see if they work for you
You have it Jill!!! The one thing I always tell myself about gossip is that looks can be deceiving!! I, and others, have no idea what others are going through! I do not walk in their shoes, therefore I cannot judge!!! Great job, By the way!
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KathyRN
"A PROBLEM IS ONLY A PROBLEM, IF YOU CHOOSE TO SEE IT AS A PROBLEM!"
Thank you MIP family - these suggestions will help tremendously! Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
That's true too......and great input! Thanks girl!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Before I came to Al Anon, gossip was a way for me not to have to deal with issues in my own life. When I was gossiping it helped me feel better about myself and what was going on with my marriage and my AH. I am grateful for Al Anon for helping me see how hurtful this was to me and to others that I was judging. Now I can focus on myself and deal with my own feelings and issues. When I start to gossip I can quickly recognize what I am doing and check what my motives are to identify what is bothering me in my own life. Great topic, wish I was going to be sitting in on your f-2-f meeting.
I agree Jazzie. In a way, talking about others' problems made mine seem not so bad. I work in an office so there is no shortage of gossip and sometimes I am guilty of falling into participating in it. I have to remember and work very hard not to judge others' lives and show kindness.
Iamhere sounds like everyone is going to walk away with a great meeting under their belts on Wednesday. Enjoy chairing!
I understand why gossip is considered one of the obstacles to success in recovery in Al-Anon. Here is what we read at meetings about it: We meet to help ourselves and others learn and use the AlAnon philosophy. In such groups, gossip can have no part. We do not discuss members or others, and particularly not the alcoholic. Our dedication to anonymity gives people confidence in AlAnon. Careless repeating of matters heard at meetings can defeat the very purposes for which we are joined together.
Not gossiping means to me that there is a safe place in the rooms of recovery where I can share without fear of having it repeated. And it can damage the harmony of a group.
Principles above personalities. Gossip is personalities.
-- Edited by maryjane on Tuesday 26th of January 2016 04:11:03 PM
Thanks everyone for your input! I believe I can make it a go! I am going to put my notes together just in case I am called to be with family. It's my hope that another can take them and go forth if I am not able to be present!
(((Hugs))) - I love the topic - just wanted to see what other inspiration I could gather and you all helped me greatly....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
