The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i finally went to the Alanon meeting near my new place. It had a differnt but good vibe there. It was at 8pm so i took the bus and found the place despite anxiety. The meeting was a candlelight one. I had never attended a candle light meeting. With the lights so low, many people shared their pain and their hope.They opened their hearts to me with a warm welcome. I even have someone who will drop me home afterward as the bus shuts down early. Luckly, my sweet boyfriend [thank god not a drinker] picked me up and took me for a snack.
At the meeting i discussed something that had happened just hours befoore and i didnt know how to handle. I had called a fellow alanoner i was close to at my former meeting. She is very religious but we had gotten along ok. she always praised me in the past. I told her about my new boyfriend and i guessed she assumed the worse so she said' u are still married" she gasped. I am seperated, divorce pending. I was hurt to think that she thought i was evil. then she said she had to go and would call back but never did
I was angry at her and couldnt believe the incident occured. At my new Alanon meeting we discussed detachment. I realize that i cant conrol what others think of me. I can detach from her scorn with kindness. I also can chose whether to associate with her anymore.
Hey Alyce - yay for finding your local meeting and perfectly cool that there is a member there who will drop you off after! That's what I love about recovery - it's a 'we' thing!!! My hope is that your new group becomes as familiar to you as us and that you find some new rewarding/lovely fellowship!!!
As far as the other member - that's on her....perhaps she's having a bad moment, a bad day. QTIP comes to mind - Quit Taking it Personally. The way I say it, if I am living in my truth and another person passes judgement, that's on them - not me. "What other people think of me is none of my business also popped into my mind." - just keep the focus on you and your program - it's all good!!
I did get a chuckle - I've led a wild at times life, and there was a time when I worked hard to get those 'gasps of scorn'. Thank goodness I am a bit different today...
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi Alyce, Gld you found a meetng wher you feel comfortable I find that alanon does not give me a list of how to behave or rules to be perfect. It suggests that I go within and listen to the small voice within to decide how i need to act.
I would validate my decision to date at this point and let it go The member who thought it a bit early can have her opinion and you can have yours that is how alanon works. We only need to agree on the alanon tools.
