I had to share this as I am seeing growth in myself. I talked with alcoholic bf yesterday and he was nice and kind toward me. I was as well. I had to laugh as he said I have done so much since I got sober. He has been sober only 3 months. He has made progress in the last year and a half. He has got himself a vehicle, got his drivers license back, has a job, got his bills under control and is now frantically saving money. I know he would not have done it without the support and help I have provided to him. I am grateful to see his life is getting better. Before if he would have said what he said about his life getting better, I would have have used "US" in the response back- like we have done so much since you got sober. I did not react and said instead, I am so proud of you, keep up the great work. I did not mention the dreaded word "US" and keep the focus on myself instead. I am seeing that everything is about him, "I" and I am learning to let it go. I see that the word "We" will not be used by him, and I am ok with that for today. I am feeling content knowing that I do not need him to validate me. I did ask if he will take me out when he gets back from work and he said, yes, I will take you for dinner. I suggested a place but he wants to take me to nice restaurant. That is nice but I do not expect him to follow through. I am just really focusing on me and my needs and where I get it, and not about him and his wants anymore. I am so grateful, he will be home only for 2 days then back to work for 18 days (works in camp), and I have to just accept nothing from him. I did go out to a pub and I met two men there. It felt so good to receive attention and laugh and not to take anything serious or make plans. I just enjoyed the moment. It turned out that one of the men, who I was very attracted to lives 2 houses away from me. He came and visited yesterday and I saw red flags big time...wants to have sex asap, he likes to drink after work, he has no money and is focused big time on sex, sex. We talked via text and he had some good conversation between his sex talk. It seems we have a lot in common and it was so refreshing to have someone that appears to have the same interests as I have and shared that I have a lot of talent. I am a published writer and have sent some new things out for publication. I read to neighbor what I wrote and he was impressed and got great feedback. It was so nice to feel appreciated and validated. My alcoholic bf does not care what I write and does not care to listen to what I write. This neighbor is a former RCMP officer and he has great communication skills and is clear and not wishy/washy. It was so good to talk to someone that is concise and clear. I see that I deserve that kind of communication and attention. I am not counting on the neighbor to continue to have conversations with me as he has a hidden agenda-have sex. I am not interested in sex right now, as I am trying to get myself healthier. I see the red flags right now so that is a huge improvement with me. I see just by talking to the neighbor, I deserve better than what I am getting and I will not just into bed with anyone. I have standards for myself and I need to see where things go with bf. I do not expect that the bf will want to continue with us as he was clear that he does not want me and my daughter here in our house that I have half title to. Since we had the talk he has been nicer to me and that is nice but I do not trust him. I know for me its all about me right now and getting my needs met, not meeting his needs anymore. I am making progress and that is why when he said "I" have done so much since sober, I did not react. I do not know where things will go with bf, but I know for once that he is all about "I" and nothing about me. I just have to let it go and leave it in gods hands and keep the focus on me and what I need to do for me. If he can be all about me, me so can I be all about me, me, me too. I have been praying to god to not let me react with anger and fear and its working. I have also been listening a lot of god messages on utube-joyce myers is my favorite and the message she shares. I am getting stronger slowly day by day and not taking as gospel truth the ABF words as real as its coming from a very selfish place. It should be interesting what he says when he sees I took off my engagement ring off and I do not wear it anymore.I do not expect him to say anything as he does not care as if it does not effect his world, his fantasy world, its not a second thought. I am learning that. I did say to him I have taken my ring off and I received no response. I do not care what he says anymore. I have had it enough of his selfishness. I need to look after me and me, me, me is what it is all about now. I am treating him like a roommate and I am nice and kind but I do not say anything related to "US" or "Love" or anything mushy like that. I just keep conversations to the point and say bye when we talk. I see that I am trying to make something work that is not working and that its one sided. I see that I am trying to make "US" when there is no us. I have to just let it go and let him do what he needs to do and I will do the same and "not put all my eggs in his basket." I am so proud of how far I am going and how much better I feel. I am so grateful. I am going to another Al-Anon meeting tonight, if I feel better. I am sick and I do try and get out as much as I can. I am scheduled for surgery ASAP. I am making progress one day at a time and working really hard to focus on the moment only!