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Sorry its Been So Long, but I Was Sitting here thinking of my "Al-Anon/MIP" Blessings and I Realized a Few things and want to come here to Share them... :D
When I Landed Here Just over 7years ago, I was a Complete Train Wreck, this was My 1st Stop MIP :D within a Couple weeks you all gave me the Courage along with a Family member that Helped Get me to that 1st F2F Meeting... I Remember how Raw I was just Loosing my Dad to Alcoholism, How Broken, and Angry I Was.... Its a Feeling I Hope I Never forget, and that's Only Because I Want to Remember Just How Far I've Come...
I Was Raised in an Alcoholic home & my Entire existence has been in the face of Alcoholism... and what that Took from Me was My Self Worth, Self Esteem, I Felt I Personally was Lower then dirt, and Couldn't Make Decisions on my Own because I was Always Seeking approval from Anyone that I Felt had that Power over me, or I Felt was Better then me so they had to be Right... Right?
You All have Given Me Courage to Face the Day with Gratitude & HP, and Not the Day Approved by Others, but a Day Approved by HP, and Me :) When I First Landed Here, I Remember "Feeling" I Needing Permission to go to the Market, and if I Couldn't get ahold of my Husband to let him know of my Whereabouts, (He Never Ask Me to tell Him) but I would Panic on the Inside, Chest Pains, the Whole 9 yards, Panic Attacks and then I Would Listen Carefully to his Tone, and if I "Felt" he was Not happy about this Choice, I would Cancel the Market Trip to Cater to his Needs, Even if He didn't Ask, or Didn't Say I Couldn't.. I was Very Sick in My Thinking... I was a Complete and Total Basket Case unable to Make my Own Choices, or So I Thought... Tragedy I did Well, Because I didn't have time to Think, Just Do, Sadly that was My Strong Suit... but the Little Everyday stuff Caused me Such Grief Always Trying to Please others, and there Needs even when they Didn't Ask. I Just Felt it was MY Responsibility for Loving them... and Not Even being Aware that "I" Had Needs...
WOW What 7years Can Do :) I Have Always Dreamed Of Getting on a Plane and Flying Somewhere, and My Husband Made it Quite Clear he did Not Share this Dream AT ALL... "You'll Never Get Me on Plane" he would Say... So I Slowly started putting that Dream on the Back burner, I had Always Said when My Son Graduates I Wanted to Take a Trip to "Bro Jerry's" Home Place... And Tho I'm Still a Bit from That Trip (Its on the List)... I Had a Girlfriend Ask if I Would Like to Join Her and a Couple Other Ladies for a Trip to Mexico? :O My 1st thought was... Husband will NEVER Approve of this... But... My 2nd Thought was... "He Don't Have too" :D Thank you Al-Anon... Within 24 Hours of Praying on it, I Decided "I'm IN" I Called her the Next Day, Said Sign me Up :D I Went and Ordered my Passport and told the Husband about a Week Later :D Is he Happy "Not So Much" but that's OK... That's His Ism... Not Mine :)
I'm Grateful I Can Allow him to Own that, and Me not Carry it anymore... I Know My Husband Well Enough to Know he is Happy that I Get this Chance... but he isn't happy it is Out of his "Control" of My Choices, and Circumstances... Our Marriage is Stronger Now then it Ever Has Been and I don't have to FIX Him, or Him Me, but I have Been Able to Allow him his Ism's just as I Now Accept Mine... We Are Human and even After 20years together, there is Always Work to do...
So This Sunday, This East Coast Girl will be Taking Her Very 1st Plane Ride EVER... and Receiving her Very 1st STAMP Ever In Her New Passport.. My 1st Time Ever Staying in a 4 Star Resort... I Honestly Thought I Would be More Nervous, but I'm So Excited I Have been Counting down the Moments till Take Off... YOU GAVE ME THIS... Each of You that Came here and Shared your Struggles, and Triumphs... Your ESH & Love... You Helped Me Find my Miracles 10 FOLD.... Al-Anon Tools Are Amazing <3
My Life has Always been Dedicated to My Family... And I Know Always Will be... However that Doesn't Mean I Can't be Just as Dedicated to Myself... I have Put ZERO Expectations on this Trip... Its going to be a "Go with the Flow" Kinda Trip.. It will be 5 days of Memories with one of My Dearest Friends since Birth... How Could ya Ask for Anything Better then that... I'll be Leaving -6 Degrees, and Going to where its 70 degrees on a Bad day :D WOW...
So Tho I Know that some of you Newcomers Wont know me, However, I Hope & Pray that you All Stick around Until your Miracle Happens, whatever your Miracles are, Don't give up on your Dreams, You Can Do what Ever Your Heart Needs... Cause if you Truly Want it Bad Enough, and You Work your Program, and Live for HP it will Come.. Your Miracle will Indeed Happen... and Your So Worth Every "Great Thing" that Comes your Way :D So PLEASE... KEEP COMING BACK...
Much Love & Blessings to All
You are Each and Everyone In my Heart... ALWAYS
Jozie
PS... Oct. 28th 2015 Marked (5) Years Sober from Alcohol... Another Amazing thing this Journey has Given Me... So Blessed & So Grateful to be a Member of Such a Life Changing Program with the Best Peeps Around ;) WE ARE WORTH IT....
((Jozie))) what a wonderful share!! I am so happy for you and and am sending many positive thoughts to accompany you on your fantastic trip . It certainly has been a process and I love sharing this recovery journey with you . The best is yet to come as You are a Miracle in Progress.
I'm excited for you Jozie, and grateful to be sharing this spiritual journey with you. (Wish I was coming on the real one too, lol!!)
Bon Voyage, and also many congratulations on 5 years sober
(((Jozie)))
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
YAY Jozie - on all fronts!! Your share was lovely, from the heart and so inspiring. Your growth is amazing! I'm jealous of your trip - it's supposed to be single digit temperatures here for the weekend and I so wish I were headed to another climate!!! Have a blast, have a blast - have a blast!!!
Congrats. also on your sobriety. The journey we walk as double-winners is a bit different, but the end result is the same - a spiritual existence on a spiritual path where there are no limits if we trust a power great than ourselves. You are truly a miracle in progress and I can't wait for your return and your update about your trip....
Blessings to you and your friend(s) and prayers for a lovely safe journey on vacation.
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This certainly is a journey, i was on rock
Bottom. Alanon helped me, get me back,
I have learned so many good healthy tools
to help Me Change and grow.
And Bro Jerry screams "SHUCKS!!" I cleaned it up but still would rather have a chance to teach you da language of Hawaii. Have fun sister and enjoy the temperature difference. 5 years sober huh?? HP does good work...((((hugs))))
Jozie - I am excited for you!!! It sounds like an absolute blast and my hopes are that you have a marvelous time!
I recently went on a weekend gals get-away and it was so great and so refreshing....to be away, be genuine, smile, laugh and laugh more! My hope is your experience is equal to or great than mine!!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This was such a great post for me to read today! I see myself in your "before" and it is quite eye opening! (And kind of scary! Lol) But wow, what hope you have given me!! Thank you so much for this share and congrats on doing your thing...have a wonderful time in Mexico :) and congrats on the new "you" - hard work pays off! :)
I Just want to Say... You Are Way Worth Making your Miracle Happen... Sending Prayers and Good Vibes that you Find your Inner Strength and Give you the Life You urn for....
The Tools of Al-Anon Got me to this Step and without them, I'd still be THAT Me... I'm Very Grateful I'm Not...
