That is what my mind came up with last evening as I sought sleep and didn't get it right away.  Why not? I am inundated with the negativity I was born into within my alcoholic/addict family.  I remember my earliest thought being "I don't want to be here" and that was just before the doctor slapped me on the ass while hanging me upside down over my Mom.  "I don't want to be here" is what I thought which had nothing to do with the slap on the ass.  I thought I could take care of him at a later time.  I was born into a state of insanity in my family and also in the country (Hawaii) we lived in with all of the foreign illegal involvement and the war and bombing of Pearl Harbor and such and the more I wanted it to stop the less it did including the alcoholism in my family of origin...both sides.  What I had available to my sanity wasn't even working and so I learned at a very young age to practice insanity.  My mind and memory did a review of it before it left and let me sleep a little.  A very large portion of the problem still remains along with those first words "I don't want to be here".  The only saving grace has been the program and the fellowship of the Al-Anon Family Groups of AA. It isn't so much a country or culture I need as it is the love and support and concern of those who my Higher Power has surrounded me with. 

I arrived at an impasse as I struggled with the age old desire for sovereign nationality and freedom...I have that freedom spiritually which is enough for now while HP works out the remainder.  I am serene and sober and sane for the day which is much much more than I use to have.  My prayers often are for my culture and sovereign nationhood along with my recovering family and friends.   Mahalo to all of you for holding my heart in serenity and may HP reward your spirits.   ((((hugs))))