My stupid broken foot is becoming a depressing reality rather than a novel reason to say"OMG can you believe this annoying thing that's happened?". 

I missed my first week of summer school due to not being able to walk. I'm less than thrilled about that. I haven't yet allowed myself to consider that I'm going to miss the second week as well, and basically it's pretty much not going to happen and come Monday morning I need to  do paperwork and withdraw from my classes and add another 6 months to my whole degree. Yay. I'll be lucky if I'm mobile when semester 1 starts in February at this rate.

It's a stress-fracture in the exact same place that I have broken it 2 times in the past already...my achilles heel I guess (but at the wrong end of my foot lol).

13 or so years ago, when daughter was a baby and I did not have a car, I walked everywhere with child in pram and heavy bags on my shoulders and back, carrying groceries and so forth and eventually a stress fracture turned into a total fracture and I ended up unable to walk for several months. That was less fun than it might sound, and I got fat. I also discovered the joys of having groceries delivered and that I hate being housebound when it isn't a choice.

I was still married back then and my lazy stoned ex husband liked to look up from his xbox occasionally to tell me my foot WASN'T broken, it was GOUT. Because he remembered his uncle once had gout from eating too many tomatoes. Even when I showed him the x-ray of my broken foot he kept crapping on about how he was sure I just had gout from eating tomatoes (it made me hopping mad lol) and isn't it funny, today I had to inform him about my broken foot and my inability to come and collect my daughter from his house and, while I was contemplating the discussion I became quite enraged and assumed that he was going to tell me that I had gout again. Oh the resentments we carry, lol!!! He didn't say any such thing but of course I am sure he was thinking it....LOL!!! I was so mad just thinking about it!!!!

So I went to the op-shop and bought a walking stick which I can't seem to get the hang of (I think it's too tall) and I'm supposed to go and get some gigantic boot and crutches which aren't really conducive to the fun-in-the-sun summer I had in mind, and they're going to utterly clash with my nice new bathers and recent weight loss. And it just sucks, really. 

There's no pushing myself this time, I learnt my lesson the first time. If I'm careful I could be healed in 6-8 weeks; if I am stupid and take pain killers and keep walking (like I did that first time) I'm going to be in a whole world of trouble and probably not walking for a very long time. So this is extremely frustrating. I hate being inactive. I feel fat already. The second time I got a stress fracture in the same spot I did things differently; I used crutches and bought really good shoes once it healed and it went much more smoothly. So I know I have to stay put and I suppose i have to absolutely quit my walking/delivery jobs which are due to start back after a Christmas break next week. Ugh, ugh and ugh. Another thing I need to take care of on Monday morning. How will I replace the income???????? Daughter does one of the jobs with me to pay her phone bill.....how will I manage that now???? GAH!!!!!!!!

ABF is still here. He got over his mood once he was paid and had some drinks. It was basically instantaneous. He's been nice since then, and whilst it's not alright that he was so horrid to me when he was broke and in enforced sobriety, it is a reminder not to QTIP everything. It's not up to me to decide who he should be or how he should live his life, only to decide what I will and won't have in my life and my space. He's gone back to being Mr wonderful helping me with things and being really pleasant and kind. I don't see any value in discussing the fact that he was a mean rude jerk for 3 days; he apologised a few times and I just don't have the energy, not do I want to send someone away on principal when I really do need the help and kindness right now. He is the little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When he is good he is very very good and when he is bad he is horrid.

Today it was a beautiful sunny Saturday. As we went and bought me a printer yesterday, I printed out all of my notes and sat outside studying all day. And I decided to just stay in right now. No, I wont be able to complete my classes this study period and that's annoying as **** but, that doesn't mean i can't learn what I need to learn and get a head start on the next one. No good lying in bed and wailing and wringing my hands because I can't do what I planned on doing. Some time during the afternoon abf brought me out a plate of my very favourite sandwiches with enough pepper in them to make a peppercorn sneeze and I was moved almost to tears because it's a rare, rare thing for someone to bring me food and he got it just right too. And without me asking or anything. That made me feel pretty happy. Then I got a text from ex-husband to inform me that he will bring daughter home tomorrow night (it was my turn to pick her up so she must have told him I cannot walk) and I thanked him and there was no further discussion. He didn't tell me that I have gout (but he was probably thinking it!!!!!!)

So basically I can't control everything or have it the way I want it, but today I remembered to stay in the now and live life on life's terms and it worked out OK. And I'm reminded of what my mother always says...it'll be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end.

I'm grateful for the sunshine.

I'm grateful for being able to enjoy the wonderful things about other people that I would have missed if i was only focused on how I think they should be and what I think they should think.

And I'm grateful for the absolute bargain I got on this printer, which frees me from sitting inside in front of my computer all summer when I can't physically go to classes. 

OH and i'm also grateful for the lovely flowering vine that my neighbor has let grow wild over our fence which waves in the wind outside my window and sends in a beautiful scent. Yay for flowers. She told me a while ago she was leaving it grow because she thought I might like it...and I really do. There is so much beauty in people when you detach only from the harmful stuff and still appreciate the good. Well, that's my experience

Anyway, happy Saturday peeps.

(((Everyone)))