To begin, I have been married for over 20 years to a very serious AH.  He had one (dry) period of 6 months several years ago and has been "sober" for the last nine months (working the program for the first time).  He and I had become quite the love/hate  relationship with a few weeks of half way decent once in a while.  Since his decision to seek help and work a program, we have had very good days and very bad days.  At around Six months sober, we had a "discussiom/argument" about me and my constant negativity.  He was right......but I did not want to hear it from him because I was still too angry and I guess "high and mighty" to accept the truth.  

After some serious soul searching and a reality check on myself, I made the decision to try daily (and sometimes by the literal minute) to change my behavior and my attitude.  Wow, have things changed for the better.  The return for MY investment has been phenomenal!

So after about a month of my really being conscious..... after his meeting he called to say he was stopping at a store and asked did I want anything.  I'd been meaning to go all day, but had been busy doing tons of housework and didn't take the time to go to town.  He happily brought my items home and later I commented that it was so nice that he had called and that he had even taken the time to bring home a special desert he knows I particularly enjoy.  As I started to plate the desert, I asked if it contained an ingredient I am sensitive to and was assured he had checked all the labels and had selected this brand because it did not have things in it that makeme sick.  

Never, in a milion years would I have thought he could have been that conscientious. So, I acknowledged his thoughtfullness and asked politely why he had never in the past ever done somethin like this. His comment was that he had not wanted to because I was alway B----ing! (Which was very true I'm sad to say).  He quickly changed the subject, but the words had been said and I heard clearly my program ringing in my ears.   He did know what I am sensitive to, allergic to, angered by, and pleased with!  He always had known, but had consciously decided not to care.  It was a strong reminder of how my actions may have influenced different situations.

Now, at nine months sober and with me working on me every day, I do my best to be positive and to cut down worry as much as possible.  I absolutely love being around him and we actually talk every day. Just that is almost unbelievable because our lives were so insane (both of us) before this program and his AA program.  I believe he is working on step 8, but that is his business.  every one in a while, I have to remind myself to stay in my own hula hoop, but I'm sill a MIP.

I realize that nine months does not truly erase all the woes of a 20 plus year alcoholic marriage (yes, I was too blind to see he was an alcoholic when we married), but i wanted a divorce!  I really wanted a divorce and had gone to see a lawyer the day he hit his bottom.  I don't really know when or how the love came back, but it has nas I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been in my life.  If we have to face relapse, then we do, but that is his journey and I'm very proud of the man I now call my husbsnd.  Especially since the lies are gone (for now) and he is the man I thought I was marrying.  

i honestly thank God for the "Trouble" that brought him to AA and I never intrude on his meetings because that is his and not mine.  His is, after all, a grown man, even though I never treated him like one in the past and he never really started growing up emotionally until he stopped pouring beer down his throat with the proverbial bucket.

i just wanted to take the time to share my ESH because this site has given me many many hours of help during sleepless nights and when I needed to feel someone understood our insanity.  

Thank you all so very much!  I especially want to say thank you to Betty, who has tirelessly handled a thousand posts while I have "been" here and for her honest words!  The first month I really didn't like what you had to say, because I wasn't behaving well and wantied to be babied.  After some eye opening and some realization on my part, I can honestly say your honesty (and that of pink chip) have helped beyond measure and that I seek out your comments for their words of wisdom.  Thank you To you and the countless others who give their time, energy, and ESH to others like me!  You all matter so very much!  I am greatful for you all and for MIP!