Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

ShellyM · Member

How does the next step work?

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Shelly -

You are on the right track! I was told to look for someone who 'has what I want'. So, I looked for a gal who had joy and serenity in her smile/eyes and also was working a program. I then asked her. It's that easy. If you ask someone, and they don't commit, don't stress - it's not you....usually if someone says No, it's only because they are already stretched too thin between their own home, life, program, sponsees, etc.

You can always ask the person who is chairing/leading the meeting if she could ask for volunteers during the opening. We do that too at times - the leader will just ask anyone willing to be a sponsor or temporary sponsor to raise their hands and you can see who is available.

In the meanwhile, if you look to the top right, you will see the 12 Step forum here @ MIP. Hotrod (Betty) adds a new step about every 2 weeks and we just wrapped up step 12. So, she will be posting the first step within the next week/so. You are welcome to click through there and get a feel for what each step is about, and see what's written. To actually join/post over there, you'll need to join again 'there' - I am using the same user name at both.

Shout back with any other questions we can help you with! HTH!

Jazzie18 · Senior Member

Shelly I am in the same boat with no sponsor. I have been going to meetings for a little over 6 months. From what I gather from meetings, there are still a lot of people that go who do not have a sponsor and others that have a sponsor have mentioned that it took time to get one and to find a good fit. I am making it my New Year's resolution to focus more on the program and to get a sponsor. Best of luck finding one. I think you don't have to feel rushed with this but you could also share in the meeting that you were looking for a sponsor. Maybe someone will volunteer. That was one recent share at my face-to-face meeting that I went to a few weeks ago.

ShellyM · Member

Thank you to both of you! On one hand, I am not in a hurry as I'm still learning everything, but in listening to sharing I hear so many stories of the great progress made when you have a sponsor. I think it is part of my nature (probably due to the A Father I had before I married the AH?!) - I'm always in a rush to "cross things off of the list" and I need to learn to slow down and take my time to experience things. I realize that more everyday; I've ot a long way to go on that one! Thank you so much for the suggestions about mentioning it in a meeting - that isn't something I'd have thought of on my own and it may just be perfect! I am so fortunate that I seem to have found a really good meeting. I was going to say it was "lucky" but I'm also learning it wasn't luck at all...Thanks for having this board whomever you are that makes this possible -- it has been a Godsend.

Jazzie18 · Senior Member

Shelly you are so right on wanting to rush things. I also grew up with an A father and married an AH and when I first starting going to meetings I wanted to rush my recovery and make sure I could cross it off the list. The more I started to go the more I realized this was something I could not rush. This board has been very helpful as well as a podcast I have listened to on my way to and from work. If you are looking for some additional Al Anon you should check out www.therecoveryshow.com. It has podcasts on all kinds of topics and has been extremely helpful to my recovery. Best wishes.

Thorn · Veteran Member

Hey Shelly-I went almost 4 months before finding someone. After many meetings I kind out put it out to my home group that I would like to progress with a sponsor and was more than willing to take anyone that would kindly offer as pretty much all of the members are more "evolved" than I in the program. I went home after the meeting a bit dejected that no one approached me. The next day however I put up to my higher power and talked to God and said "ok God, I guess this is on your time table and not mine but I would appreciate it if you would make someone apparent to me".

That very night the phone rang and it was a great lady from my group suggesting that we get together and talk so see if we "fit" as there is a trust level that must be observed on both sides. I have learned that if I stay on my path and persevere with meetings, praying , reading that I am getting some answers. I don't like all of them and I guess that's ok.

So glad I trusted God and now have a wonderful lady to help me navigate the Steps. I'm working Step One and am excited to be making a little progress.

Hang in there!

Taraxacum · Senior Member

Thank you for sharing this. My response to uncertainty is to organize and cross things off lists and with fear I tend to speed up. I have also felt in me a desire to rush my recovery. It really helped me to read this post today and slow myself down. Thank you for posting.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene