Also I have been telling my brother about alanon for years.  He has seen this crazy change in me... ( you know peace and a one day at a time attitude.)

Anyway he calls for advice sometimes and yesterday I told him you know you just need to accept your relationship (a healthy one, after being in an unhealthy one) is what it is, you can't change it, you don't need to, and you can just accept that today you are happy and that is enough.  All you need to control is yourself and your own actions...beyond that- Let it Go. 

He FINNLY said, Woa is that an alanon thing?  It sounds easy but profound.  Can I really do that?  How do I do that? 

I am grateful he is thinking about checking out a few adult children on alcoholic meetings. He always seemed to snub his nose at Alanon because he thought it was a bit dumb or he didn't have a 'problem.  I remember when I didn't have a problem.  After all the other person was the addict not me.  But once I finally realized how it affected me and how alanon taught me a new way of handling my end of the situation and healed me, my situation had almost ruined me.  It is so wonderful to pass this on to someone I care about. 

I have come so far.  My progress seemed like digging myself out of a bottomless hole one inch at a time at first, but before long this new way of thinking got easier, and easier, until it is ingrained in how I deal with every day.

I was married to an addict for three years  I tried to to fix him, changing him, and cover it up thinking it was shameful.  In the end he escalated to meth I  lost a family business, our home, family members, and nearly everything I valued everything trying to help him and to keep things together. 

Now after working my own program and making myself healthy.   I am in nursing school, have a job I love, a sober supportive fiancé, a positive stress free home, healthy wonderful kids.  Life can throw crap at me, because it always will but I shake it off, and I do what I can TODAY. I don't have to fix my fiancé he is his own person and capable at leading his own life after all he has been at it longer than me.  And life is good.  

So for all of you who are new, I hope you know you too can do this!  Just keep working it one step at a time, one day at a time.  You will get there.  :)  Have a GREAT NEW YEAR!!!