The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So im grumpy from my cold and there is still lots to be done to whip this place into shape. i had the exterminaters come with no result so taking it in my own hands and intend to seal with caulk every crack and crevice in this whole place and set up with a resort of roach motels lol and attack directly with spray...arg hate roaches. im so clean but there is a family of dirty elephants in apartment above .
as for the bewildered part..here goes .. my XAH seems to be living in a grand place of denial. He called me last nite and told me he was at the local casino and staying at the same hotel where he comitted domestic abuse on me 2 yrs ago. hegot his evil gal friend to drive so he could drink and not be pulled over esp since he has 2 warrents/no insurance. he is just tooling along and doesnt seem to care that after 24 yrs im gone from the house. i dont want him anymore but i feel angry that i wasted 24 yrs of my life in denial !!
i cant seem to get him to pay attention so at least some details can be resolved. Meanwhile i am painfully aware of my loneliness and am trying not to need anyone.
actually to be honest, since you are the people i confess to, I didnt think id ever feel any tenderness,womanliness etc toward any man again. Now that those feelings are reawakening im struggling to stop myself from trying to rush the status of my friendhip renewed with an old boyfriend of 24yrs past. however, with alanon, i am so much bettered equipped. i realize so much more and that helps me. old boyfriend has a hoarding problem and has never married. now at 63,he is quite emeshed in his lifestyle,habits. But i know this so I dont want to fix him, i dont think he will rescue him etc Alanon keeps my mind straight.
im torn with one day at a time and thinking that i want to find the beginning of a new path for me. patience sometimes is hard to come by
Wow Alyce that brought back memories for me...the rocky journey I traveled until my life got peaceful with surrender. No its not perfect because there is always some one or some group of people who want me to do it as they say I should without discussion or empathy. I am so grateful for the lessons on surrender and humility I don't have to fight it just follow moral values. I find a life with moral values much more peaceful and acceptable than any other governance. There is no drugs or alcohol in my life today and therefore much less confusion on what to do and how to do it. Thanks for the message. (((hugs)))
(((Alyce))) - hang in there. With that cold you have, you're probably in need of a do-nothing day/part of the day. I am a very impatient person as a general rule, so understand what you're saying and feeling. Just keep taking care of you....keep talking here! Know that we're all here for you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
