I am an adult daughter of an alcoholic.  My father was the alcoholic.  He passed away 6 years ago.  His death was not alcohol related.  He was 87 and had other health problems.  My mother is now 92 and in a care home.  My father stopped drinking 20 years before his death, but he had an addictive personality and turned from drink to accumulating many many cameras (photography was his hobby).  My mother said he should not have bought so many cameras.  He had 8.

Now we come to the point of this post.   My mother thinks I have inherited my fathers addictive personality.  I do not drink alcohol very much, in fact I think its only twice or three times a year and that is when out.  I never get drunk and have never had a hangover.  The most I drink is two glasses.  I am aware alcoholism can be inherited so that is why I do not have alcohol at home because I do not know if it will make me drink too much.   At least if there is no alcohol readily available 24/7 there is no temptation to drink and I do not miss it at all and the last time I socialised I just had an orange juice.  I just do not really want to drink alcohol and thats not because I am an alcoholic because I am not.  If I wanted to drink I could easily go and buy a bottle of wine or vodka and I dont.

I come from a mixed race family.  My mother is mixed race and my father was white.  My mother has been diagnosed with dementia albeit mild.   I have inherited my fathers straight hair and I have it to the shoulders.  My mother cannot stand it and would like me to have it cut.  She has said to me that because of my racial background I cannot have longish hair because that means I am in denial and pretending I have hair like my father or any other European person and I do not.   She wants me to go to a hairdresser for black people because she said English hairdressers are no good for dealing with my kind of hair.  She has said I am not to visit her until I get it cut.   I said I would go to a black hairdresser but for a consultation only.  I phoned one and talked to them and they said come and see us in the new year.   They said on the phone that from my description I have inherited mainly my dads hair type   

Today my mum phoned me full of anger and rage and said she has come to the conclusion that I have an addictive personality.   She said although I am not addicted to alcohol, I am addicted to my hair, refusing to get it cut.   In desperation I phoned the Alanon helpline but I did not find the lady that helpful.  What she did say was that my mother was wrong to put so much pressure on my about my hair and that it was my life and this lady said do not listen to her and that in her opinion I do not have an addictive personality and that I should be allowed to have shoulder length hair if I want.   

I tried to justify my argument to my mum by saying some black people and some white people have a hairstyle like mine and their families do not object and my mum said I am trying to be clever and evade the issue and the issue is me and my hair not other people and their hair.   I was simply trying to point out that she is being unreasonable.   I actually told my mum that the current hairdresser I have been going to said she thought my hair was English not frizzy and my mum said she was wrong and I should have told her that if she thinks I have English hair I cannot continue going there and just walked out.  She even said to me when you go to this black hairdresser are you going to tell them your father was an alcoholic.  I said no why would I tell a hairdresser my father was an alcoholic?  And my mum then said to me well then you are keeping it a secret then.   That has to be the strangest thing I have ever heard my mum say to me.... I am going for a hair analysis, not to discuss my dad.

So thanks for reading.