The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's read in ODAT sheds some light on how I can share our 'experience, strength, and hope' (ESH) at AlAnon meetings. The page suggests that consideration be given so that my share is helpful to others, not just used as an opportunity to air complaints or unhappiness about others.
The reading adds that part of the value of my meeting attendance comes from listening with the intent of gaining constructive ideas for use in my own recovery. As meeting time is limited, I am reminded to show care in making my points that are in line with the meeting topic so that I respectfully leave time for others to share, and me to hear their ESH.
When tempted to give advice, the best direction I can give is to point to AlAnon principles rather than my personal opinion, allowing that person to build their own strength and hope with the help of their hp. For issues that are more personal in nature, it is likely best to work through it with my sponsor.
Today's quote shares the thought that meeting time is precious, and ideally "I will not waste a single minute of that one hour of the week when we can be together to share experience, strength, and hope."
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When I first heard the phrase ESH, I thought it meant I had to meticulously detail my circumstances so others could understand where I was in my journey. I found p.88, also in ODAT, very helpful, clarifying that it involves sharing our experience in applying the principles of AlAnon to the challenges we are facing.
This reminds me to keep the focus on myself, not the alcoholic, not anyone else. If I keep my focus on what I can do about my situation, then I have the help of my hp and can hopefully contribute positively to other members Once again, the wisdom and guidance of the program points me in a much healthier and positive direction...I am very grateful
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul This is a powerful page . I believe that, as the ODAT often suggests , personal problems should be brought to a sponsor and the experience, strength and hope we develop when using the tools should be shared at meetings so as to inspire others to "keep coming back" "It works"
I love the fact that we do not give advise except in suggesting an alanon tool or principle as we believe that each person has the answers within .
I too am grateful.
One of the most interesting things to me about shares is that they are supposed to be about me. At first one thinks 'all about me? How could I be so selfish? We should talk about others as well'.
But, talking only about me in shares lends a number of benefits:
Talking about me releases me from guessing how others feel
Talking about me keeps me from talking about others, avoiding gossip (as specified in the meeting opening).
Talking about me helps me with codependency kinds of issues, so many of us think that what others think is more important than what we think.
Great share folks and great daily Paul - thanks for your service.
I am so grateful that others share their ESH with me as it relates to the program. When I first came, I wanted you all to help me fix my qualifiers. I was a bit disappointed when instead everyone suggested I work on me and take care of me.....it didn't take long for me to 'see' why and while I still was worried about my qualifiers and their choices, I found profound relief in realizing how powerless I was to do anything to fix them...
I had a strange F2F meeting this week where one regular attendee was upset about people judging others with chronic pain. Clearly that was not the topic and she suffers with it and takes medication for that. Needless to say, she went off on a tangent with very colorful language and while I was surprised, I was working to listen. Another regular attendee interrupted her to suggest her colorful language was offensive to her. There was an awkward silence and then the orig. person continued without cursing and way off-topic. The offended party shared next and was also distracted a little bit - I left feeling different than usual and chalked it up to the holiday season.
I normally love my F2F meetings, however this one was 'off'. After the meeting, I also had a gal who likes to be motherly tell me to make sure I .... - unsolicited advice. Again, I just decided to live and let live! So - we had a strangely strange meeting when the topic was the 12th Step followed by some unsolicited advice from a fellow member, not necessarily a 'trusted friend'. *Sigh* - I'll be happy when the holidays are over and things go back to normal!
I am very uncomfortable with advising anyone as I never know the whole story and truly my opinions are of no value to another's experience. If I can relate to their situation and/or their feelings, I will share what I did or do to get through it. I am a huge supporter of private matters going to a sponsor.....that's where I typically take them!
Have a super evening everyone! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
