Hi Penny, so sorry to hear your A 'slipped'. I know just how hard early recovery can be for both the A and their loved ones. My partner has been in AA for 3yrs 6 months. The 1st year he had intermittent recovery, 3months then a slip etc. There was even a pattern emerging in his slips. The good news is he now has 2yrs 6months continuous recovery,one day at a time. I was fortunate that each time my A slipped he got straight back to his meetings. I pray yours does too.

I remember the disappointment/fear/heartache only too well. All I can tell you is what worked for me. I had to focus on my own recovery and leave him to focus on his. I went to as many f2f meetings as I could and shared. I was worried that if I didn't 'get it all out' in a safe place I'd take it home with me and fire all my anger/resentment at the A, only adding to the problem. I made a point not to ask about his drinking (didn't want to start obsessing again!) and I certainly didn't mention AA, meetings etc. as I think I would've felt resentful if he had interfered in my recovery (such as it was). I had to trust that his HP knew what was best for him! I let him know I was there for him if he needed to talk. Invariably, after a few days (without interrogation from me) he would open up and discuss the slip, his fears etc. Sometimes, he was genuinely confused and didn't know why or how it happened. Try not to take it personally. Hopefully your A has some contacts in his fellowship now and they may guide him back.

I lived every day 'one day at a time' and had to 'keep it simple'. I had two daily readers and read them both every morning, then prayed for clarity,strength and serenity. I asked 'your will not mine be done'. Some days were harder than others. If I found myself worrying, obsessing or analysing I would pick the appropriate topic from the daily reader (listed in the back) and read all the entries. Usually, by the time I finished I felt a little calmer and had a better perspective. I also tried to practice the 'Just For Today' card as often as I was able. I made myself a slogan basket and in times of difficulty selected one daily and tried to implement it. I tried to remember the power of the disease and to find some compassion for my beloved husband who was unbearably arrogant or belligerent after a slip! He once told me, he had absolutely no power of recall for the devastation of the last drink only the disease telling him how wonderful the next one will be!

After he had slipped a couple of times I came to realise I was now living in fear of the next relapse as I had been living in fear of the next drink. It did neither of us any good and I had to spend a great deal of time and effort working on myself. Ultimately, I had to re-new and deepen my trust and faith in my HP. If possible, get some phone numbers of other Al-anons at your next meeting and don't be afraid to call them. We are here to support each other. Be gentle on yourself and try to be kind to your A. Everyone needs and deserves extra-loving care in an alcoholic relationship. Recovery is a step at a time. I hope you may find some of these tools useful in your current situation and wish you and your A all the best. With love in the fellowship.