The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Hey all, I'm 25 and living with my parents with my toddler until I finish out college in May. My dad has been drinking ever since I can remember, and while he's not as violent as he used to be, he says the worst things he can think of to try and hurt you. He denies drinking even if he's got a beer in his hand. He stays up all night drinking, blaring music or 'working' on whatever project around the house- which wouldn't be an issue if he actually fixed what he was working on but 9/10 times its worse off than when he began. I guess the worst things are the hateful rants and comments, not that the content itself hurts (really just the same stuff) just that you know he's trying to hurt you at your core. He tells my mother he hates her and that she's fat/ugly, tells me the same and then some, and tells my younger brother even worse stuff.
But everyone at work/ in his sports groups think he's a great guy and love him.
Im just frustrated because he's doing it again tonight as I write this post, and needed some people to identify with.
He makes me sad, angry, hopeless, and itching to get my degree so I can afford a new home.
Hello and welcome Labile, Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, dreadful disease that can be arrested but never cured. AA offers a recovery program for the person who drinks and alanon is the recovery program for family members.
Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages.
It is here you will learn to break the isolation caused by this disease, develop new tools to live by as you accept that you did not cause the disease, cannot control it an cannot cure it. Since that is the case the best we can all do is learn to take care of ourselves in a insane situation.
Hi Lucy, can you get to an Al Anon meeting? You can meet some people in similar situation who can give you tools to deal with your dad. Its hard when someone you love has a disease that makes him seem so hateful, and al anon can help you with that.
I found it helped me to remember that the alcoholic is as unhappy with this as I am. And he's so scared of living without drinking. Then I was able to feel some compassion, while still protecting myself. It sounds like your plan to get out when you can is a good one. Remember to build some positivity into your day...you need it and so does your little one. Music, snuggling with your baby, a nice cup of tea, looking at the stars......something good that is in your control.
keep coming back.
Welcome to MIP Lucy - glad you found us and glad you joined in!
Keep coming back.....Al-Anon is the best 'fix' I found for living with the disease of alcoholism....and I'm grateful it's here for us.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks guys, I found a group in my area and look forward to discovering what it has to offer. Even when I do take my son and I out of the situation soon, my mother still has to live with it so hopefully I can convince her to come with me or at least share with her what I learn. Despite the way my dad is, we are all a very close family and only have each other.
I'm gad you plan to attend a meeting; for so many reasons but also because when you're being bombarded with negativity from someone you live with, spending time with people who want to encourage you and build you up is so healing and empowering.
I think it's great that you want to help your mum too but please remember you can only change you and she might not want to make changes to her life; don't let that stop you from letting yours be wonderful!
Hugs to you.
(((Lucy)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
