The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C reading for December 10 speaks about beginning days in working the program , when . we discover that we are so focused on others, that we are not able to see where they leave off that we begin. We have truly lost our sense of what is appropriate and cannot distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
The reading goes on to suggest that the fourth step helps us to discover who we are and what are our values .. It helps us to look to see what we can keep and what went need to change in order to have a serene life. With this thought in mind we are working in recovery to establish new behavior that reflects our integrity and our true values. Today because of attending program, and working the steps, we have the courage and faith to be true to ourselves whether or not others like me or are in agreement. It is very important to remember that announcing our new ways to others is not nearly as important as knowing whatmy limits are, and acting on them .
The quote is from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow; "he that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce
Love this quote and do feel as if alanon tools are that "coat of mail" I am so protected as I live one day at a time, focused on myself, placing principles above personalities and trusting HP. It works if we work it . What a gift.
The quote is from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow; "he that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce
Love this quote and do feel as if alanon tools are that "coat of mail" I am so protected as I live one day at a time, focused on myself, placing principles above personalities and trusting HP. It works if we work it . What a gift.
And this is where I'm at..I shared earlier about going running instead of driving for an hour to "save the day" Life is so much more fun when I let my HP take the wheel
Thanks Betty - love today's daily reading! I do remember in the beginning resisting my desire/need to control others and not realize that most of what came out of my mouth was about my qualifiers vs. me. I honestly didn't know who I was without considering their needs, wants, disease, etc. I seemed to live and exist to 'be' there for them.
As I learned the program, the steps, the tools, the slogans and began to trust others, that awareness was a huge 'gotcha' moment. I had to learn that when someone asked how I was, they truly wanted to know how I was and not what was going on with everyone else I loved, lived with or worried about.
It was a conscience effort to separate myself from 'them' and the disease. I remember the first time that I realized I would truly be OK in spite of what they did or did not do.
I do feel safe in my world/existence thanks to this program, my HP and what I've learned. I am so glad I only have to live One Day at A Time - what a gift!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great page, great reminder...thank you Betty and all for your shares. This page is powerful and one I need to reference often to realign my thinking. Before coming to AlAnon, I too focused much of my energy, attention, and efforts on the actions and thoughts of others, especially when setting boundaries.
Today's Reminder makes this important clarification: 'I will remember that knowing my boundaries does not mean forcing others to change; it means that I know my own limits and take care of myself by respecting them.'
I long set and tried to enforce boundaries with others in mind, attempting to push them back behind the line of acceptability that I had set. AlAnon reminds me of the futility of those attempts and how that approach is a main contributor to my own insanity. I am very grateful for pages like this and the guidance that directs me to a new perspective: stop looking for serenity by trying to control the uncontrollable, become accountable for my own actions only, and respect others' right to choose.
It's evolution baby, gradual steps every day that help chip away at my long held strategies and habits...the program makes it possible with daily reminders and the ESH from the fellowship. Very grateful
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
