The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about the sometimes difficult concept of detachment with love. Just as the writer acknowledged, when I first came into the program I also thought about detachment as cold, uncaring, the opposite of love. As I have worked my own recovery and understood more about confusing love with control, I have realized that in some ways detaching from the insanity is the greatest gift we can give ourselves AND those we love. It has helped me to consider the separation of the person from the disease; this has helped take the personal hurt out of the equation a bit.
This reading is another reminder for me that I can love others without becoming embroiled in every aspect of their lives. The more I work on myself, and do the inner work, the easier it has become to detach lovingly from other people.
the 'thought for the day' is: "Sometimes what I call "love" is really just control." Today I will work on not trying to control the lives of people around me. I hope you all have a great Tuesday!
Thanks Mary Great reminder of the important principle of "detachment with love." I know when I first attempted to "detach" I did so with an ax or with anger. Today I do understand my motives and can treat everyone with courtesy and respect while I allow others to" live and let live" without my suggestions, advise or "help".
I too thank you for the daily Mary as well as your service. Detaching with love is still at times hard for me unless I remember my stepping back is my gift to them and I have to leave my ego at the door! That thought is so spot on. I believe I am still learning what love is by learning what it is not. I am one is thought control = love, which I've since learned is not true. Love for me now means allowing those I care for own their own stuff, good and bad, and offer support for them as they ask vs. as I see fit...easier to write about than to practice!
Have a lovely day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great page, Mary, thank you and all for your shares. I find this page very helpful as a reminder of the meaning of detachment, and as the reading notes, it is not to be confused with 'amputation'.
I find I benefit from regular reminders in this area because of my tendency to slip towards detachment with an edge, and actions and speech that are not readily identified as loving. Daily readings and meditations are very important for my thought realignment and recovery...great thought to start the month
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Great post and understanding Mary...Mahalo. I also learned detachment with love in a long lesson and then am glad I have arrived. I learned that detachment wasn't abandonment and it assured connectedness with compassion and empathy. ((((hugs))))
