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So today is another marked year of doing things very differently .. I don't know if it's been right or wrong .. it just is and I'm ok with that. I will have to go fairly radio silent over the next few months so much has been going on. Biggest issue is we are headed back into court because my X is refusing to finish the court stuff. It's been very difficult not to respond to his inability to finish however why this surprises me is not surprising. He's pulling the if I don't respond she'll go crazy .. LOL .. seriously speaking I'm ok with it. I will say that there are a few surprises he is not expecting. I have come to the conclusion he is under the hallucination I am living with a man and that's his excuse for not following through on specific things. I'm waiting for the holidays to make a comment about it. I have to laugh as he tells the kids he is sending me extra money when he's not paying what he agreed to in a gentleman's agreement so to speak .. however he's no gentleman so why would he follow an agreement right? So let him look as dumb as possible .. it just is what it is at this point. As my daughter has stated in her life situations .. the truth always wins out.
Things are moving forward in a positive way .. and I know that things will workout .. I'm just a little nervous as to how this will come about, you know God has not brought me this far to drop me on my butt. I'm to damn stubborn to just roll over. The kids are laughing at me going seriously has Dad just never met you!? So I just keep moving forward to the best of my ability.
Big celebration tonight with a couple friends we are headed with a driver no less to a casino for a little fun. The kids and I are going to the movies and next week for Thanksgiving we will be going to dinner just the 3 of us. I am looking forward to that .. we have been invited a couple of places however my youngest has decided he wants our first year here for the holidays to be us. That's fine.
My daughter is in her first wrestling match today. My son is sleeping and very not happy getting up however is excited to support his sister .. lol. I'm not excited about being up this early on my birthday. LOL! I've been up for a while already and to the school as well as back.
Later this weekend we are headed to the movies. First movie in Texas .. LOL. Mocking Jay II. That will be the extent of the birthday weekend. LOL!
No men in my life and hey .. that's ok I was thinking about the idea that I like not having to check in .. I have watch a girlfriend of mine who has a good boyfriend/relationship situation and thought I like that and it would be nice .. I see the other one who has a situation you couldn't pay me to be in and think ohhh hell no. I like doing what I want to do .. I like coming and going when I want to come and go. I don't like the idea of someone controlling me in the least. I have had the opportunity to practice some traditions and steps in the recent weeks. I have such a wonderful opportunity to heal further. I had to laugh one of the accountants I work with was teasing me because he finally asked me .. S .. what have you not had to do at a job? I laughed and said .. that's a good question .. I think I'm just kind of a girl Friday so to speak .. I have had the opportunity to explore many different ideas and things. He was very sweet about it, and really meant it as a compliment. I forget I have had a lot of amazing opportunities in my life that as I talk about them it is a good reminder that not everything has been bad. I did tease at work since we are headed out on the town .. if I don't come in Monday and they don't hear from me send the Mounties .. they said .. that's the wrong place .. Mounties are in Canada .. I said have you met me? Trust me .. send the Mounties! I think people think I am a little wild in a good way meaning free spirit. I just am not meant to be caged on any level. That's truly where I am the happiest. For me to have a relationship I need someone who is similar however more grounded who appreciates that aspect of me without needing to control it.
My intuition has been on fire recently. So much so that sleeping has been a challenge. As odd as this will sound the dreams have been awful however I'm grateful because it's all purging and releasing of things that I have not wanted to look at. I have been sleep walking through life for so many years being here has just released a lot of garbage and now my mind is open to other possibilities. It's very exciting stuff for me.
Anyway, .. I love this and am truly in a very good space. Kids are great. It's not perfect .. I guess I have never expected it to be .. I am very much at peace even in dealing with the X.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Have a great weekend Serenity - sounds like you're continuing your journey and are still a Miracle in Progress! I hope the match goes well today - may your daughter kick bootie so you and your son are super glad you went for support/the win!!!
(((Hugs))) to you - keep doing what you're doing - you are still wearing it all super well!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Plans have gotten a little derailed at the moment and I'm not happy about it .. lol .. however it is what it is .. the match has turned into an all day and evening thing. My friend's friend cancelled because it was to late at 4PM I can't imagine what she'd think if I still wasn't able to go .. however it worked well my friend and I will go for coffee and a bookstore run the way we did in jr high .. lol. However it's hard to not feel resentful that once again my plans on are hold because of someone else's schedule. This seems to be a daily battle I am fighting with the kids. My girl specifically. Our agreement was wrestling is her thing it will not take my life over. I went from taking her to practice 1 day a week in the early morning to now it is literally impeding my ability to earn a living. I need to stay late at work and I can't. It's not ok for me to always leave on time .. I have things to do and a boss who needs me to be available for misc things that need to be put together for presentations and so on. So it's now 3x a week in the afternoons, and 1x in the AM she tried to pull the oh now it's 5 days a week and I said no. She is perfectly capable to get a ride from one of her friends home. It was easier NOT to have to ask for help and rely on me. So I told her no more I will pick her up 2x a week and take her 1x early no more multiple trips to the school and it is her responsibility to explain this to her coach and arrange other rides.
What is frustrating is her inability to communicate effectively regarding what time they would be done and had she said ok .. I won't be done until after 7pm it is easier for me to prepare for that vs dragging out longer and longer and longer with no concrete answer as to when she will be done. So I finally said ok .. I will be to pick you up at 630PM done or not. I will let her coach know that it was not communicated to me what time she would be finished and it's MY birthday .. I have plans that I really do not make with people all the time. Once twice a month maybe I haven't even been to shoot pool in weeks since I started work. I'm a little frustrated at the moment. I have put on hold all of my plans based upon this figment match will be over timeline so now tomorrow I get to do everything I needed to do today and actually had time to do just the constant unknown of when would this be done. So here it is 630PM almost and someone is waiting on me to finalize our plans and my day is hijacked .. I don't mean to sound selfish however good grief .. this is where I feel resentment towards my X because even if we were still in IL there is no way he would have picked up any extra slack regarding this. She's angry with me at the moment because I have let her know once it hits X time she's done and I will talk to her coach. I can't control when she has a match and the fact she neglected to inform me of what time it would be done .. I mean the real time and where is a schedule for the rest of these matches? Thank GOD it is not at a school 3 hours a way or I would be so hot it would be about crazy.
On the positive side .. I did take my son to get his hair cut it was so long he was flipping his hair and driving me nuts .. lol. We had a very nice quiet afternoon together and I like that a lot. The weather is beyond beautiful. It was windy .. it is NOT 16 degrees outside .. LOL .. I'm way ok with that. I did get myself a little luxury that I enjoy as far as smelly good stuff, I was out of my body mist that I love.
So I did get to do a few things done and get him situated with his hair so that's a good thing. He really had the Bieber thing going on .. LOL .. his hair has never been that long! So it's good to see his face .. LOL.
Thanks for the birthday wishes .. I'm just ready to be on my own way at the moment .. LOL .. and it's not like my day is close to being done right now.
S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
happy birthday from down under. Love to read of how refreshingly normal your life is now, though it does suck to have to delay plans...bloody teenagers! Lol. Hopefully daughters coach will be a source of help with timetables. Enjoy your birthday weekend.
Oh.....Serenity......what a day you've had - so sorry it was hijacked! I learned the hard way that a wrestling tournament is an all day event, with each match being about 20 seconds long.... Fun to watch for your child but the waiting in a smelly gym is so not fun...
Hope tomorrow is way, way better for you all! When my son wrestled in HS, I gave up with an end time. The coach made it variable and I just told my son to call. I was able to get there in 5-10 minutes, so it wasn't a huge deal but in my experience, there isn't a set end time.
Good luck with the logistics - I loved it also when he would just get a ride home! However, this also presented him with exposure to some older kids who drive, and in my world, that led to exposure to illegal substances....
(((Hugs))) - glad for the haircut!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Congratulations Serenity...Keep on keeping on...((((hugs))))
and for interest? It isn't because he cannot finish his responsibility it's because he won't. There is a difference and excuses do not work or ought not work.
