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Welcome, Sunflower! I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Good that you came here. Just to give you a quick response: You deserve better. You deserve respect and serenity. Can you find a different Alanon meeting and a different sponsor? How about trying the online meetings here or the telephone meetings available from Alanon? From your description, this person is dangerous and is trying to control you. Please don't let embarrassment stop you from getting to a safe place. The tools and support from Alanon may help you get the serenity and clarity to take the next right step. There is no situation too hopeless to be made better.

Sunflower You are indeed a wise woman He does feel all powerful when you are upset/ dependent and it feeds is ego. Glad that you chedked out the cat and corrected that situation. Being aware of what is going on is extremely important as is not giving away our power . Becoming angry, fighting etc, goes away our power and serenity. Meetings andprogram tools will help If you are not feeling well you could try our on line meetings held in the chat room 2xs a day.

As far as unemployment is concerned I had a friend who resigned due to stress and panic attacks. She applied for and received disability benefits based on this medical conditions. Have you looked into this? .

 

 

Aloha Sunflower and welcome to the board...You might use the board as a sponsor if you like...I have done it when not in contact with my own in the body sponsor...I have also with the grace of HP and HP's direction used others who were available to my need at the time again also with my HP's and the programs direction.  You describe the insanity of alcoholism very very well I believe because you see it clearly.  Seeing it clearly and convincing yourself that there isn't anything you can do about it will get a person those panic attacks you are having....been there and done that myself.  You are doing something about it by coming here.  I would be interested to hear how you got the suggestion and direction because I like to hear how HP works in our lives.  I can't give you a job and what I can do is share my experience with you regarding telling those in the position to help the honest story about how I got to where I was at the time...I'm not talking about my life story...just the part that related to my conflict.  People actually have compassion and like to help so you find out when that is and gain the experience.  Having the alcoholic/addict interfere with his blabbing is a waste of time be grateful openly for his support and let the other stuff go without taking it personal or showing distain for it.  He gets to plan and exercise his own solutions without our judgment, condemnation and put downs.  They are sick...very sick people and we would be also should we choose to do the same.  Expect insanity and you will most often  not be thrown off by his thoughts, feelings and actions even though you don't like it.  I was told by my sponsor "You don't have to like it...all you need to  do is accept it".  Acceptance is the solution to all of our problems...accepting the fact of the situation and not the morality (the good and bad) will rarely get me caught feeling that the situation ought to be different.  I accept and move on without trying to change anyone other than myself. 

With acceptance I can see it for what it is and my part in it and then change my part with courage, patience and understanding.  Living with an alcoholic, addict in marriage and creating habits with her changed when I altered my habits and didn't attempt to stop her from her choices and consequences...hard? yes!! and doable.  The fellowship has thousands of members to share their ESH with me I almost thought there was a guarantee that came with recovery.   NOT!!  The program works when we WORK IT.

The closing of our face to face meetings has the key to my recovery.   "If you keep and   OPEN MIND   you will find help".  That allows me to take what I like and leave the rest for later or maybe never.   I'm grateful for that on a daily basis because among other things it keeps me responsible for my peace of mind and serenity. 

Self focus sister, your only job is yourself.   Keep coming back here often.   ((((hugs))))

I used to have terrible anxiety, fear and insomnia when I came to alanon. I was so afraid I could not make it on my own. The program gave me the confidence to get a second job and I overcame my fear of change. He's still here, he's sober and we get along good. He's a part of my life but not my whole life. I go to the gym, work both jobs and stay active. I understand about him being my drug of choice, I had no sense of self. I also understand that fear of being underemployed or unemployed and being vulnerable to lowering my expectations about another persons behavior for fear I will lose my place to live,Abandonment,etc.I lived it when I first came into the program. In alanon we say to put principles above personailities, I had some controlling sponsors. I have to remember I will always have the disease to some varying degree and that others in the rooms have the disease as well. There is no shame in finding a different sponsor. I have two sponsors both are quiet women who work a good program. I took my time this last time picking my sponsors.. I waited a few months. I had a wonderful sponsor three years ago, but I let her go because I was not ready for her tranquility and serenity. I look for the similarities between me and everyone in the rooms, we have all come together because the disease affected us in various ways. Prayers for your inner peace and serenity. If you keep working the alanon program you will find all the answers to serenity and inner peace. Big hugs and in support.