The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my AH had been cutting back on his drinking quite a lot recently. I got hopeful about it. I was too attached to it. And this past weekend when he got extremely drunk both Friday and Saturday night I let hurt me. I went to bed crying. I couldn't help but feel like he was cutting back because he loved me. And when he started drinking again it told me he didn't. He spent all of Sunday so hung over he couldn't function. I found myself doing all these things I used to do to make myself miserable. Counting drinks, arguing with him when he tried to say he didn't drink too much. Getting angry at him about so many other things. I did all kinds of things to hurt myself. I did not take care of myself at all. Stayed up late stewing over things. Felt angry and resentful. Abandoned my exercise routine and ate all kinds of junk I haven't done that in a few years. In the end all those things didn't change the fact that he drank. So I'm back to step one of acceptance.
(((KT))) Aloholisn is cunning and powerful disease. In order not to react but respond, it is progress not perfections that we look for.
Alanon is a difficult program which requires a great deal of time and energy to accomplish one day at a time. That is why we insist that we be gentle with ourselves, never resort to our negative tools of beating ourselves up and instead validate ourselves by writing an asset and gratitude list.
You did well You came here and shared.
I agree with Betty, it takes quite a while to get the Al-Anon program down and sometimes it takes years and never down perfectly, because we are human! You recognized that you temporarily "abandoned" the right things you should have been doing and you will recognize as time goes on, because of the little set backs, that you are learning how to have fewer and fewer set backs in the future {{HUGS}}.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
(((KT2015))) - So very sorry about this situation - it happens....to the best of us! Trust me when I say I am so grateful that perfection is not expected. I am also grateful that it happens here way less than it used to.
Awareness that you don't want to be that way is such a gift of working this program. Awareness of how to get back on track for your own peace of mind, serenity and joy is another. You are not alone and all we ever have is today - yesterday, last night, last week - even this morning - is already in the past. We are taught in this program to glance back to learn and grow but to never stare!
Know that we're here for you - and you are not alone!
Huge (((Hugs)))...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
We also have our habits and addictions and often times end up feeling just as sick as the hung over alcoholic. I remember suffering hangovers because I had used more of my alcoholic for a longer period of time than I should have. "There is no law that says I have to ...." and still I act as if until its time not to. Keep coming back cause this works when you work it. (((((hugs)))))
At least youve got awareness of your own part in al this and thats half the battle. Its denial that stops us seeing. Im always back to step 1 every day about something. Its good to be powerless, you didnt cause it cant cure or control it so let it go. I also love the slogan 'Live and Let Live' Its a powerful slogan. Your partner has the right to live as he wishes, hes an adult. He is his own person on his own path and alcoholics rarely drink with us in mind at all never mind it being about love or not loving. Its a disease so its not personal or about you or against you. Alanon meetings and steps will help.
My first trip through these doors taught me many things..but the one that I stick with..I'm gonna have fun with our without you. Oh, you're too "tired" to go..or you're still asleep at noon..I'll leave ya a note and find something else to do. Life is to short to be mad while someone is snoring away in the bed lol
