The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Alcoholism is a disease the alcoholic is a sick human being we do not punish people for being sick, is a statement that I hear a lot in Al-Anon meetings. When it comes to real acceptance, my instinctive attitude toward the alcoholic is often hostile, as though he/she were the enemy, willfully bent on hurting me. We can block both our spiritual progress and improvement in the family situations, with that attitude. Ridding myself of resentment and indignation at a person I am not capable of judging fairly and giving into useless pity for myself. Detaching with love and empathy has really given me my dignity and life back, emotionally and physically.
It is not mens acts which disturb us but our reaction to them. Take these away, and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you. ~ Marcus Aurelius
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Difficult but not impossible task. I know I saw progress not perfection for many years as I struggled to accept (non judgental) the bad destructive behavior of the alcoholic My sponsor stressed the fact that because I accepted the difficult facts of this disease . I was not a helpless victim.I had choices and it was my responsibility to exercise these choices in order to rebuild my life and self esteem.
In other words I had to focus on myself -, stop attempting to fix another and use alanon to fix me.
Thanks Debb for the daily and your service. Thanks to both for your thoughts/ESH!!
No wrong act of another can bring shame on you. ~ Marcus Aurelius <<<<<< - This right here is so simple, yet very hard for me to swallow/accept.
For the longest time, I took it upon myself to feel shame, embarrassment, guilt, and more over what my As did or did not do. Once this program helped me to see that I wasn't the cause of their choices and only responsible for me and my actions/reactions, this statement gave me so much peace.
Slowly, over time, I was able to have empathy for the diseased vs. anger and shame for what they did.
Acceptance of the disease concept helps me accept my As and their actions. When I try to take back control, my acceptance can dissipate which leads to the craziness is me all over again.
So grateful that I can only fix/treat me and my side if this disease. The rest was too much and very overwhelming.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
