The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you to those that have decided to share your story and struggle. I find solace and strength in knowing that I am not alone in my struggles with my ABF. I have found strength in your encouraging posts, and found myself asking this very question last night and today.
I have been wrestling with leaving him, and in fact cleared all my belongings out of his house today. The only thing remaining is for me to retrieve one last item from his parents' home and to hand over my key to his house. I even went so far to write a note and tape the key to it. He is out of town for the remainder of the week, so I have a bit of a 'cooling off' period to ensure that I am sure of my decision. The problem is that I love him, wholly and unconditionally, and even as I write this I can see a future with him. I am trying to understand the disease, but every time things start getting really good, he pushes me away. I just don't know where to go from here...
I have sought counsel from those that know us both. I have had a long talk with his mother. I love him dearly, but I know that I deserve to be loved as much as I love.
Welcome (again) to MIP - so glad you found us and so glad you found your courage to post.
As I stated in the other thread, the best way to understand the disease is to join Al-Anon. Alcoholism is a chronic progressive disease that is considered a family disease. Those of us who love or live with an alcoholic are also affected by this disease and Al-Anon is for us.
Local F2F (Face to Face) meetings are in most locations. If you can't find one, there are 2 meetings here each day. Check the top left side for the schedule and a link to the meeting room.
Nobody can tell you to stay or to go - that's a choice that you need to make. Learning more about the disease and what makes you happy through Al-Anon can help you with your choices and boundaries.
Keep coming back!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Please search out alanon meeting in your community and attend. It is here you will receive the support and understanding you need to focus on your life and happiness. Keep coming back here as well
Can't tell you whether you should stay or leave. Keep coming back & hopefully you will get the answers you need. I am on here often. Please feel free to ask any questions. We will only help you from our own experience. Glad you are on here. We are there because we care.
Kathleen
Hugs, medici.
What I hear is, you're very focused on whether or not to leave him, whether you will stay left (you don't sound like you think you will) and the relationship in general.
I relate to that, and it's a very uncomfortable place to be; I remember spending almost all of my time imagining possible scenarios and worrying about them with my alcoholic partner. How many times did I leave and then spend my days and nights fretting over whether or not I had "ended it for good"...
Someone once told me..."Mel, nothing ever happens the way you think it's going to in your head" and it's very, very true.
Al-anon can help you to get out of the "possible future" and instead live in the right now. I'd so strongly encourage you to let go of the "stay or go" struggle in your mind and instead get to a meeting and start directing your focus and attention on to yourself. That's when the real magic happens
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I found that while I worked the 12-steps, attended meetings, read the literature, etc.
that the answers to my questions were answered. Everyone works the program in
their own way and at their own pace, and because we are all different, the answers
we seek do become clearer as time goes on.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I do want to thank all of you beautiful people for your words of encouragement! I know that no one can make this decision for me. I am just trying to answer for myself if I can continue to handle the lows, because the highs are so beautiful. I still have yet to figure out if there is a balance there that I can sustain. When he is drinking, he blames me for everything that is wrong with his life. I know that I didn't Cause it, I can't Change it, and I can't Cure it... But I don't need to be Blamed for it either.
