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I had a worry that as soon as my son contacted us two weeks ago and told us he's been sober and wants to re established his relationship with us that I would start reverting back to my codependent . He called me on Monday to ask if we could all get together on Saturday.. I said I would call him back after I check with his dad. I left a message that his dad had work to do but I would be glad to join him and his girlfriend for the day. Here it is Tuesday night and I have gotten no reply what should I think? I feel like texting him or calling him and I know I should not do either. Help!
I think that you responded as you said you would and now the mater is in his ball park. The alanon slogan that comes to my mind is: Take the actiion and let go of the results.
Staying detached, keeping the focus on yourself is the key. If you would like to plan another event for that day then I would call and state this.
(((Hugs))) - I have been where you are and you answered your own question. I would read literature, go to a meeting, take a bubble bath, journal, talk to program friends, etc. You've managed your side of the street. Trust your HP and detach. My boys are still young, and even more immature because of this disease. They don't plan well and in this situation, would probably contact me the day of to say what time....
Worrying about it will not result in any different scenario. And, reaching out may leave you in the exact situation with no different result. Mine have left me hanging more times than I would like to admit.
So - do what you can to just take care of you, and trust HP to take care of him. Stay in the moment and try to destress about it as best you can.
Hope this Helps (HTH)...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you so much i knew this would happen. Its been 10 months since his last drink and heroin episode. Sober for over 300 days, I give him credit!!! I got 3 books by Karen Casey about detachment today. I needed the support from you guys also. I will hold tight and stay in my side of the street.
i wonder what makes the alcoholic want to continue to remain in touch with in this case his mother...is it that they are scared of the consequences of their drinking/addiction or is it to keep peace/or is it the love they continue to feel for the mom...or is it just plain and simple selfish behaviour of keeping options open!
Almost every other day i am tempted to discontinue all contact thinking this would be a punishment for him, and perhaps would lead to recovery.
Puppy,that is so good that he has been sober for that many days. i wondered how you see your role in helping him make that decision,as i continue to battle emotionally with what to say or what to do.
I struggle also with his motives, but when he was in jail, his father told him specifically not to contact us unless he was clean. He waited 300 days sober to ask for reconciliation. His apology was the most sincere ever in his life. I have faith in my HP that this is for real. I am optimistically cautious. And know there could be set backs. I rely on myself, my HP, my Al-Anon group and sponser & this group to see me through.
Also , to answer shstkia, I took to heart my steps and knowing that my detachment with not accepting jail calls etc. Sticking to my word of no toleration of the breaking laws, and not accepting jail calls, and not helping where he could do for himself worked. I followed the Al-Anon program. It works
I would just let it go and see what happens next. You are still dealing with the disease whether he is drinking or not. I would handle this situation like any other and let it go.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
