This is my first post, and reading through forums. I feel much similar issues. I am so confused right now, My AH and I have many children together, he comes home almost drunk every night only to finish off till he fall asleep sitting up then wakes between 2-4 am to grab another beer. It is very strong IPA beers that he likes and he has at least ten a day that I know of. I have left him for almost 6 months for the first half of this year, nothing changed as he said would when I came back with our children, and It seems worse because it was so hard to go but I lately, have told him I can not stay with him like this, and it sounds from the forums that I shouldn't say that. I seriously feel trapped. Financially I can not leave again, and I love him dearly, its so hard to see this destroy our family and how badly it must be destroying himself inside. We met at age 14 and its nearing 30 years into our relationship. I don't know how to be with out him again, but it was almost refreshing being gone for the first half of the year. He also is ruining our whole household finances because the cost of his bar stops and expensive brand beers, that none are in our budget. He feels he deserves to drink because he works a FT job outside the house. Everything around my house is falling apart, and I don't want to loose him, but ...

Is it wrong to shut him out of my room and insist he do not touch me when he's been drinking (which is like daily, at most high levels) because I can't stand him like that, and it gives my whole house of kids anxiety when he starts yelling and blaming and slamming things around so It all turns arguing when I insist he stops, but it usually, lately starts right when he walks in from work. He Always has to make his point the only point and to me it rarely makes sense. When he tries to converse with me, I can't and have been asking him to go to other room and leave me alone. And he always wants to touch me like I am supposed to reassure him that being Drunk is okay. I don't want to enable him, and it makes me so angry that he chooses alcohol over us. I am so trapped and confused and scared/worried for his health and my family structure.