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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Angry and disgusted with self. Bleh.
Post Info TOPIC: Angry and disgusted with self. Bleh.
pinkchip


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Angry and disgusted with self. Bleh.
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I pulled my phone out in an AA meeting today. In this particular meeting, it's not unusual to see people doing this though in other meetings around town, I would not. Anyhow, this person new to the meeting with 30 days sober took it upon themselves to lecture me about it and then I overheard him going up to several other members after the meeting to complain about me. Anyhow, I suppose this has not been the best self care week with work and my spouse in the hospital with appendicitis.  I ripped this guy. I lit into him screaming.  I almost punched him as I let him bother me that much. I did not even realize I was a raw nerve. Kinda scared me. Also not the first time it has happened like this sadly. I hate when I act like I have no program at all.  I also know all the sayings and sometimes really have a large failure to utilize them.  Plus I feel fat and gross and icky and down on myself. Wah wah....need to regroup.  You guys pretty much know me. My crap is together, but today I just couldn't  seem to locate it.



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stillhangingon


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Well, Pink, none of us are perfect. So glad you "verbalized" your feelings. Just doing that helps so much. Carrying it around only lets it fester. I'm sorry it's such a stressful time for you. Hug.

 



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missmeliss


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So losing your crap is telling you something's wrong; you knows what the stressors are, now what do you need to do for you? No good beating yourself up; lots of us have big baby attacks Well, I know I do. It always means I am not doing something I should be doing. (For me it's usually eating proper food or sleeping. How about you?)

Also, have some hugs.

(((Pink)))




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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
pinkchip


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Too much work...not enough exercise, not enough meetings, horrible commute... I give, oversee, administrate...boss
..worry....nothing left for me. Running on empty. That about sums it up. Though having a program, I probably will navigate out of this quicker. Pity pot is uncomfortable.

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SerenityRUS


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Hugs pink! You kicked your program to the curb for a moment. Happens. You have the tools and know the next right thing to do. Work your program forward. Still love you! :)


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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Debb


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I too must say that you should not beat yourself up about "losing your crap" today, we all have
those days. I have at least one melt down a month and wish that when it happens that I could
just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. You will, no doubt, have a new day
tomorrow, with a better perspective, I am sure. We all do know and love you Pinkchip!!



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does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
hotrod


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((Mark))) You are human as is this newly sober(rigid , rule, dominated) person. Program offers a 10th step inventory for just such an incident.
You have worked the 10th Step here and it would not hurt to talk to the new member and clarify the situation.Be gentle with yourself this is difficult time for you all around.
Positive thoughts on the way.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
serenity47


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Well we all screw up don't we . Its the human condition. When I have acted in a way that I am not happy with or sitting on my pity pot I try to look at it like a wake up call, nudge, kick in the butt whatever that I need to get myself back on track. Tomorrow is another day. Make it a good one.

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el-cee


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Easy does it sweetheart.X forgive yourself, drop the anger and disgust. Your human. You make mistakes. Make your amends, stop eating carbs, make a list of priorities and work on getting your serenity back through honest boundaries. You've got this. I've so missed you.xx

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Iamhere


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pinkchip - it happens....we are not perfect and we do get overwhelmed....you have so much going on - when you look at those lists of stressors, you've exceeded the 'comfortable number'....

I hate to say this but sometimes, I just 'need to do this'......It does make me fearful enough of where I am that I can then restart...I will say that I've been working hard to vent and go nutz with trusted people to keep myself from erupting at the wrong person in the wrong place and that helps. You've been so busy and burning the candle at all ends - the release was necessary - it just didn't happen as it should.

I recently had 'a guy' in a meeting who decided he was the self-appointed time keeper. This happens to be a meeting where we go over often and it's OK. If folks need to leave, they do. If folks need to share, we keep going. Well - I was 3rd from last and spoke for about a minute and he interrupted me to say we needed to keep it rolling. I just about stood up and told him where to go and what to do when he arrived.

Instead, I said something sarcastic and just stopped my share mid-sentence. The thought of principles before personalities kept me from erupting this time but I've 'lost it' before in meetings...

Take care of you, make your amends and let it go. We know what you're about and you know that's not typical for you. Hang in there - we're here for ya!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Fairlee


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I'm sorry you are down on yourself about that "interaction", but I'm glad you shared about it - makes me realize we all have off days when we need to extend a little bit of grace to ourselves. You've got a lot going on at the moment, I'm sure you are exhausted. Hopefully you can get some good sleep tonight and wake up fresh and ready to go tomorrow :)

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a4l


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I hear you. To err human, to forgive divine popped straight to mind when I read your share. Xo



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Jerry F


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Sound like the entry door to a 10th step brother...calm yourself first...get in the same space with your HP and continue on.   You're forgiven...not by me I'm not good enough.  (((hugs))) smile



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LinSC


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Rightfully so, I would be angry and disgusted with myself too if I did that. And now get over it....no one's perfect in this program or in any other one. Fatigue and stress snuck up on you..... 

 



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milkwood


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Thank you for showing your humanity Pinkchip, sometimes our buttons get pushed when what we really need is rest and a re-boot. I know my computer protests most horribly at times like that, as do I from time to time.

I hope you get an opportunity to speak to your newer group member, I suspect you will handle it well and there might be lots to learn all round.

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Breakingfree


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I hope you are doing well my favorite Pinkchip!!!!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
andromeda


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As others have said: 10th step!
but, you knew that already and you also knew that just having program means that you will work through it all faster. You are human and humans make mistakes....A LOT! Hope today is a better day for you. Sending up positive thoughts and prayers for you!

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KennyFenderjazz


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Pink, when (not if) you find your crap that you are looking for, you know what to do with it!

Kenny

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