The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since my last post, its by a true miracle and prayers that my alcoholic bf that could not stay sober for more than 3 days has been sober now for 5 weeks. Its a miracle. However, now the nightmare is starting all over again. He is very unmotivated and deeply depressed. All he has energy for is to eat and sleep. To get him to do anything is a huge effort for him and has to drag himself of the couch or bed to do it and then he is back in bed again. He sleeps and sleeps. If he is not sleeping he is watching TV. I feel like I am babysitting a child. He is moody and flies of the handle fast. I feel I am having to walk on egg shells all the time in case he gets mad. Things have to be supper quite. I have had to set up an office in another part of the house so he can not hear me typing or printing things off the printer. ANY noise seems to set him off. Its unreal. I feel like I am living in a morgue, where things have to Supper Quite! He even has no energy to attend AA or church services. He is on anti depressants but on a low dosage. I am going to recommend he goes back and sees his doctor about getting the medication increased as this depression is very unhealthy for me and him. He is so lethargic I fear he may commit suicide due to the depression that is consuming him. We did go on a week holiday and he spent time with his grown sons and ex-wife, and other family members and he seemed ok. He remained sober through out that event. I was amazed as there were people drinking and having fun and he did not drink. His negative behaviors is starting to have an effect on me badly as I am worried about his mental state and having to constantly walk on egg shells. I have to watch what I say and do or he will flip out on me. Last week, he and I had a bad argument and I threatened to leave him as I had enough of constantly having to watch what I say and do and to be supper quite around the house. I hate this life at least when he drank, he was more alive. I am keeping myself busy so I do not focus on him and keeping out of his way. I feel such resentment toward him, its unreal. I keep thinking, I am grateful he is not using and I am not legally married to him. I can leave, without legal complications. I keep thinking I want to leave as I can not stand being around him. He is a miserable person and I do not deserve this treatment. He has been off work since he stopped drinking to address his alcoholism and is not expected to return to work till January. I can not wait till he leaves to go back to work. I can have my home back. I just had to share this before I explode.
Does not sound "sober." He sounds miserably dry and mentally ill. You are paying more attention to his well being than he is. What about you? If you don't deserve to be treated a certain way, why let yourself? I have been sober 7 years now after becoming a daily drinker. The time is not the miracle. The miracle is that I act like a grown up and treat self and others better (one day at a time). Joker, please pay attention to you. Just because someone is not drinking does not mean they are recovering. Meanwhile, you are trying to be supportive of someone's "nonrecovery," that turns into enabling quick and you dont realize it because he is "not drinking."
Joker, you should not have to walk on eggshells around him. Just detach with love and empathy and move on with your life. I would not spend so much time watching him watch TV or sleeping, just go about your life and let him do the same.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
(((Joker))) - let him do what he is going to do and choose recovery for you.
Abstinence is only one element of recovery. You can just do your program, your steps and your thing and see what happens....just for today!
(((Hugs))) - hang in there and use your tools!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
One of the toughest times of my life has been the first few weeks/months of my husband's sobriety. Apart from my own fault of constantly waiting for something to go wrong I was also disappointed that he was not really choosing to be in this world in any way. I found it infuriating!!
I came to the conclusion that if I left I would have to reframe my life, i.e. learn to live in a new way, as I wanted to live, and I couldn't really see any reason why I needed to leave my home in order to do that. So I signed up for a course that I wanted to do and made a point of seeing friends on a regular basis. I also had, in the back of my mind, the thought that it was helpful if I was happy and content and I made myself my priority. It also seemed better to lead by example. I chose to fill my life with the best things available to me regardless of what my husband was choosing to do.
I think early days sobriety is incredibly tough for everyone - but it does not mean that you have to be a slave to it. Sending ((((hugs)))).
