so many feelings - Al-Anon Family Group

Theoceancalls · Senior Member

so many feelings

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

TOC you sound very human. Living with the disease of alcoholism does affect our self esteem, self worth and our ability to make positive changes for our own best interest. Alanon is really a powerful recovery program that addresses these issues.

That you are kind and compassionate is an asset and learning to listen to the" small voice within" is extremely important. I hear your decision to obtain a legal consult as a positive move in your own best interest.

Keep sharing. You are fine

oceanpine · Senior Member

I identify so much with everything you share. The compassion, the hope, the being lulled back, the feelings that are all over the place, swinging wildly...

The only thing that gave me the continued strength to carry through with my statement that I was going to move out if certain boundaries were crossed, was that I truly believed the advice that if you say you *are* going to do something and then you don't, why should they believe you or honor your boundaries? That is it. I said I would... so I did. And now he knows to take me seriously. The first time, I came back after a month. This time, who knows... we are taking time to work on ourselves, not getting legal about anything just now. Part of me feels like it is too far gone - how will we ever heal enough to get out of the vicious cycle we were in ? Anohter part of me says, who knows what will happen if I live in the present.

Anyhow, is that an option? To just move out, to take care of and heal yourself after all this betrayal and trauma? You can always get divorced later, rather than take on all that stress right now too. I know you have mortgage concerns and stuff, but it could give you a break to take care of what's next instead of everything at once. I'm not advising you to do that, just asking.

I so admire your continued honesty and vulnerability in sharing where you are at! You have plenty of strength!!!

-- Edited by oceanpine on Tuesday 3rd of November 2015 09:21:33 PM

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Ocean i hear you! This is scary stuff i waited until
He asked for a divorce. The bad stuff with Him
had been going on three years by then. I was
Going to move out then i could not make myself
Do it. My body literally froze because i did not want
To go, i wanted my marriage to work. Us to work
Again. I did not want to leave my home.

The writing Was on the wall though. He had checked out
did not Respect me or love me if he was chasing women.
Theres not much going back . Everything in our
Marriage was broken, mostly to do with the Man i
was married to. I got Traumatized staying Too long
after things turned toxic and very nasty.

You are trying to bite off more than you can chew right
Now. See a lawyer and talk, i did that a year before
He left. I think he thought he could keep pushing me
Around. I had a good lawyer, your ah might need to pay
The legal fees:) we paid jointly.

Do whats best for you and your daughter.

(((((( hugs))))))

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You're doing very well under very trying circumstances. You continue to take the steps that honor you as a person, steps that are in your own best interest. Ultimately, you'll decide what's best for you. Ocean... as far as his recovery, that isn't going to happen overnight. It's dangerous and yes, codependent when we choose to build our own life on somebody else's potential. That is a very weak foundation on which to build. Keep trusting yourself and what you know to be true. You're hp is with you. Keep calling on your hp. (((hugs))) TT

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