The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I keep chewing over and over a "problem". It's not really a huge deal but I can't reach a decision and so I'm just spinning my wheels over it constantly and turning a molehill into Mount Everest. So, knowing that my MIP friends are a tremendous group of problem solvers, I'll throw it out to you guys if that's OK
In 3 weeks time daughter and I are going interstate for a weekend (for a Doctor Who convention like the gigantic nerds that we are ). This is a huge deal as firstly, it is the very first time I have ever taken my child on any kind of holiday and secondly, I've spent a huge sum of money (as far as my current budget goes anyway) on airfares and convention tickets. I've not been on a trip or done anything frivolous or fun for over 13 years now so it's really important to me that if possible, the trip goes well and we both have a really nice time.
Now of course our fur childen need to be cared for and Abf has agreed to come here and stay the weekend to feed them and keep them company and I feel pretty comfortable with that as things have been pretty good with him for a long time now and he is nice and respectful in my home, plus he loves our fur children and still considers himself to be "dad" to them, lol. I am however mindful that he could potentially not come for one reason or another (hung over, or repeating the past and deciding to be difficult when I do something "liberated") so as a backup plan we will pay one of daughter's friends who lives close by to come and feed the animals and let the dog outside to defile the yard once a day (I will have to lock him inside for the weekend as he is apparently a reincarnation of Harry Houdini). If this eventuates I will also give the lady next door a key and ask her to keep an eye on things and perhaps check in on the pets in the evenings. We will be gone from Friday night until Sunday night so it's not too long and the animals will cope if that ends up being the situation. But I will feel better if Abf stays here as the animals love him and they won't be locked up alone the entire time pooping and weeing on everything in protest. Abf has come a long way in terms of respecting my home as he does other peoples and I would be surprised if he did anything more worrisome than most likely smoking inside and thinking I won't notice if he keeps the windows open, or drinking the cooking sherry and eating everything in the house and telling me that "I thought it was going to go bad". The world will keep turning. I may even bake him a lasagne and an apple crumble before I go, such is my good will towards him at the moment, lol. (plus that would reduce the chance of him baking and creating a dish nightmare). Anyway the bottom line is, I trust him here and will be very grateful if he comes to stay.
My issue pertains to my car, and my getting to and from the airport.
I don't allow Abf to drive my new car and if you are familiar with our history and the way he treated my old car you will know why. In recent times I have allowed him to make one very quick trip to the local shops in it and on another occasion when I was feeling unwell I asked him to drive my daughter to school so I've blurred the lines unfortunately which makes me uncomfortable. He claims he doesn't see the problem however he drove my old car drunk so many times I can't even count them and I cannot allow that to happen to my new car; I have only 3rd party insurance and if he wrecked it, I would be crushed. I love my clean zippy little car and since it was an incredible gift from my mum I am very mindful to keep it clean and in good order. She would have a complete breakdown if she thought he was driving it.
So here's the thing. I drive, more and more each week now. I've mastered the city and drive in there quite often now. However I've never tried going on the freeway or indeed any major road during busy traffic on my own and I still freeze at the thought of it. After a lifetime of being too scared to even try driving, I'm taking it all slowly and doing what I am comfortable with and getting a little bolder each time and I'm very happy with that.
But to the airport, on a Friday evening in peak hour traffic? You have to be joking. That is a terrifying prospect and I wouldn't even consider it. I've never been there; I have no idea what the airport is like or where to park, or any of it. Just the thought of it makes me want to cancel the whole thing, such is my anxiety about it.
So of course Abf says, "Mel, you drive to the airport with me co-piloting you, and I'll drive the car home again and then I promise I won't use the car again until Sunday night when I come meet you at the airport and you can drive back again". Which is a great idea except, if he gets drunk while he's at my house all bets are off. And Abf drunk at my house with the keys to my car while I am interstate is just a recipe for me to worry all weekend. I don't in actuality think anything bad would happen, I just know I'd fret all weekend about it and probably waste a lot of time and energy trying to get hold of him on the phone every 10 minutes to check all was well...apparently al-anon hasn't completely "cured" me yet LOL.
Now if I could somehow get the car TO the airport on Friday I'd be fine to drive back again on our return as we get in at 11pm and the roads will be empty and it would be simple. I don't mind the freeway when it's empty, lol. It would be an easy and fun drive.
The alternative is to get a taxi to the train station with out bags and suitcase, catch a train to the station near the airport, taxi again from station to airport and repeat the whole process when we return and it just seems stupid and wasteful when I have a car and the airport is about 25 minutes drive from my home. It's ludicrous. The taxis would come to something like $60 plus it's a lot of stuffing around and what if there was a problem and the connecting one from the station was late and we missed out flight? It's stupid. Why oh why am I such a baby about driving?
Anyway it's on my mind far more than it should be (I want to eagerly anticipate our weekend away, not fret about it and dread it) so I'm throwing it out to you guys for suggestions, and thank you for taking the time to read this babbly novel about a trivial and silly issue I am having, lol!
(((everyone)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I hear yo Ms..M I always take a taxi right to the airport and back, With all the luggage and stress of a trip- I think that It helps me ferl more comfortable about everything . Naturally if money is an issue I would drive and know that HP was with me and I would be OK
I pray that you both have a blast
Ditto what Debb says.....that's what I did on my last visit out of town - I actually drove my sweet zippy little car to my Aunt's home, and parked it there while we had a driver that she'd already hired. This made me the most comfortable of all the choices I had at the time.
I completely understand what you're saying and your concerns. (((Hugs))) to you both - I hope you can quickly resolve this and just get and be excited about your vacation!!! My hope is you both have a great/grand time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think I'd drive to the airport three or four times between now and then, drive in the parking lot and then go right out again and drive home. Take your time, give yourself hours to do it. Study the map ahead of time. Allow yourself to get lost. Reward yourself a lot for the adventure! Maybe even do it so many times that it starts to get boring.
Then on the Friday, I'd start out many hours in advance, like if you have to check in for the flight at 6:00 pm, and it takes an hour to get to the airport, I'd leave at 3:00 pm or 2:00 pm. Avoid the heavy traffic. But you'll already know the way.
Then leave the car in the car park, get on the plane, have a great weekend. When you come back, get back in the car, drive home.
Advantages: a straightforward way to get to the airport without having to change from train to taxi and all that. Abf won't have access to the car. You won't have to worry about him being drunk on the way there or on the way back. You won't have to worry about him trying to get into the car while you're gone, or trying to convince the neighbor he should have the car, or calling some service to get him into the car. Plus, you will have practice so you can go to the Doctor Who convention next year too!
Thanks everyone. I'm leaning in that direction Mattie, maybe take a drive there in the middle of the night first so I know the way and where the exit is etc, then do it in the middle of the day a couple of times and then do it at peak hour every day for a week until i'm sick of the sight of it.. Maybe. If I'm brave.
Nothing to lose if I do the night time one tomorrow anyway...and ODAT it after that.
I don't have to commit to an entire plan every time I do something different, isn't that part of what al-anon teaches us?
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Do you have a friend on the route to the airport? Then you can park your car at his/her house and take a taxi and it won't cost as much and your car will be safe.
Do you have a bus company that goes to the airport otherwise known as a shuttle bus , it will add a little more to the budget but will get you there safely and back home again . Louise Enjoy your trip with your daughter.
-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 2nd of November 2015 08:57:51 PM
