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Just wanted to let you know, that my hubby is back home with me. Due to his emotions coming to the surface after being masked by alcohol for years, he got into a rather heated argument with the director of the place he was living at. I came home last Saturday night to find him here! He normally would never come home without telling me first. The good news is that he's sober! He even brought home Non-Alcoholic Mouthwash. I freaked out a bit on Saturday as I had just been thinking that I was not farther enough into MY recovery for us to be together. We are both a bit scared. But I see progress in him and he sees progress in me. So that's a plus.
But things happen for a reason. Maybe my HP is telling me it's now or never. So far so good. I went to work on Sunday all day, and turned it over to my HP and his. Everything was fine when I got home. The old me would have called every few hours to check in. We've been doing a lot of talking, and we have each agreed that in order for us to survive we each need to keep working our program. We have some concerns about what the future will hold for us, and if Social Services will approve of his living here. We are both guilty of projecting, and this time we are trying to remind each other of that. I am trying not to expect too much, it is most definetly one day at a time. But who would have thought that a year ago, we would be lying in bed looking at recovery catalogs, and talking about steps, etc?
The lines of communication are much more open than they were before. I have seem to come down with a bad case of poison ivy or something (doctor's visit today) and warned him that I'm a bit uptight and very itchy, and if I'm grumpy it's not him, it's me! He also said that he's uptight until he knows what Social Services says and the decision of Disability is. His health is much better, as they've finally got his blood pressure down to where it's suppose to be (lower than mine right now! lol), and the new meds for his mental health are helping a great deal along with (finally) a good mental health councelor. Still on the sponsorship hunt though, but that's close. I've told him there is nothing wrong with having 2 sponsors, as they each have different strengths.
Pipers Kitty by the way is estatic to have Dad home. Mom can't rub her ears the way Dad can! I have my piece of heaven when we fall asleep and I hear him snoring, and Piper purring. Sweetest sound on earth as my family is back together.
Keep us in your prayers family and I do yours. Thanks to all of you who helped me in chat Saturday night to keep me calm and centered. I never realized what a lifeline the chat room can be to someone in need. Newbies check the room out, it's awsome! You can really feel the love there! Love you all!
Live strong, Karilynn, Kari's A, and Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I truly wish you and your husband the best. You seem to be going through things one step ahead of me. Do a really good job so you can mentor me..lol
I so hope this is the beginning of a new and happy life for both you. I had to smile at the snoring comment. Something that probably (if you're like me) used to be irritating is now a comfort. I've had some big realizations while I watch my A lay so helpless in the hospital. Ironically his snore as he slept was one of them. Funny how the drunk snore can muster resentment and the sober snore gives comfort. It's the same snore, the same man. Just goes to show that it is truly our own perceptopn and attitude.
ODAT Easy Does It.
Love, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm so happy for you all. I will most definately keep you and your family and dear little Piper in my prayers.
Yes,Hp works in mysterious ways. I was convinced when my A turned up unnanounced that we were meant to be together and determined to give it my best shot. I truly wanted it to work out. Sadly,it wasn't to be for us and I really questioned why I had thought him turning up was a sign from HP. In retrospect,I feel that it was and that HP was guiding us both where he wanted us to be. My A is now back in Istanbul with his A sister(both active again) but I have convinced myself that it was a lesson learned for us both. For me,it was to show me that I just wasn't ready and far enough along in my own recovery and for my A,that he wasn't truly addressing his anger issues or partaking of the AA programme. He wasn't drinking for 70 days,but neither was he working a programme. The first sign of any difficulties and he had no idea how to cope. I am sure that HP was giving us both another jolt to wake us both up.
It's great that you are both talking and allowing each other to work your own programmes.And great that he has his sobriety under his belt. Sadly,mine didn't and had actually lied to me that he was sober before he came back. His first day of sobriety was the day he came back.
Had to laugh at the snoring comments!! LOL. I still really miss having my A cuddled up beside me snoring his head off. Christy is right,I hated the drunken snoring Soooo much. Still,my little Ruby more than makes up for it......am sure she is chasing rabbits in her dreams since she often starts "running" in her sleep and making soft,puppyish squeaky noises that have me in hysterics!!!
Working your programme will be vital for you now ((((((Kari))))))) We've all got your back and love you so much.
A ton of prayers heading your way along with lots of ((((((((((BIG,BIG HUGS)))))))))))
I've been praying for you and will continue to do so! You know God is in the business of making miracles! Keep leaning on the Lord.....look forward to chatting with you again soon....God Bless!
Glad to hear about hubby. Might be better for both of you. Seems HP has picked the timing. My AH has been sober for two weeks now, longest in a while as you know. Got his settlement money and is keeping himself busy spending it (on appropriate and practical things I might add).
Sorry haven't been keeping in touch or in chat much lately but I will try harder.
Your friend, Lisa
P.S. Don't see why Social Services would have a problem you are in same situation as me with my AH.
One of my cats, Benny, also adores the A. Unfortuanately my A does not do that much to help me with the pets. I have to let that one go at the moment. My pets are a big chore for me but also a source of deep love and affection so I am grateful that I get to have them. At the same time I would wish that I had a partner to share life's chores with. Either the A is criticising me or doing a chore every now and again and insisting that only he does it perfectly. I find that very very tiresome but I do detach from it today largely because I have this room to come to to express my emotions and do not need to draw his attention to his petulance.
I am sorry to hear your A had a row with the Director of where he was staying. I also understand that chaos and impulsivity is part of the way A's live. I think it was also one of my charactor traits and I have been more willing to work on that recently as a way to increase my self care.
I do not really believe my A is part of my family but he is certainly someone who for whatever it is worth I choose to live with at the moment. There are moments where I would far rather have a choice about it that I could live with than feel like I had a chance with him. I know as long as he is doing subtances (which he is) and not in recovery (He is not remotely interesed) I do not have much chance for stability, calmness and clarity from him. I have learned not to look for that anymore and that in itself is a miracle because I deeply resented that he did not nuture, support or encourage me. I can no longer feed that resentment because it is so so toxic.
I am glad that you are here, using the chat room and sharing your life. I appreciate the opportunity to share my life here very very much.
) but I have convinced myself that it was a lesson learned for us both. For me,it was to show me that I just wasn't ready and far enough along in my own recovery and for my A,that he wasn't truly addressing his anger issues or partaking of the AA programme. He wasn't drinking for 70 days,but neither was he working a programme. The first sign of any difficulties and he had no idea how to cope. I am sure that HP was giving us both another jolt to wake us both up.
