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I'm going to post this here mostly as a vent because I can't say what I'm feeling out loud.
My ex brother in law is dying of liver failure, 45 years old, he has been dealing with this for probably six years but can't stop drinking. Typical alcoholic story, had a good life at one point but was always looking at the bottom of a bottle.
My ex wife's family are all partiers, the parents are and they taught the kids the same, nothings fun unless there's booze involved. As a non drinker it was always a big issue for me, one of the things that contributed to our divorce.
So now the brothers dying, and I do feel bad, he isn't a bad guy, but I also want to ask all of them; What did you expect? To the parents...instead of dragging him to bars when he was young maybe you should have taken him fishing. To his sisters...maybe instead of being his party buddy you should have steered him away from that life. To his wife...he was bad when you met him but after he hooked up with you drinking became a full time job, your marriage consisted of going to the bar every night. So how the hack could none of you see this coming?
Of coarse they're having the fund raiser at his favorite bar, go figure. I wont go to the event, but will send over a small donation just to keep the piece. I couldn't deal with all the boohoos of everyone saying why did this happen and life isn't fair. I could certainly tell them why it happened...but have the good grace not to.
Prayers and positive thoughts go out to all who suffer from the affects of this dreadful disease. My son went fishing, to school, played little league , Built and drove race cars and died from this disease. It is indeed cunning and powerful.
Alanon helped me to develop a compassion for all who suffer. Face to face meetings are held in most communities with the hotline number in the white pages .Maybe you can suggest this to the family as a way of healing.
I am similar with Hotrod. It was and is the programs of recovery which have kept me sane, sober and alive and helping others who reach out for help. If he has no objection maybe you can call AA central in your area and ask them to do a visit with him...it's how AA came to be. ((((hugs))))
Empathy for me came about also as a result of working this program. Two of my qualifiers are my sons, and I can tell you that even when they make poor choices as a result of this disease, when I 'see' them, I still see those little boys who, like Betty's, played baseball, enjoyed bugs, played in the dirt, etc.
In my world, the disease changed them from happy, inquisitive, active, helpful boys into selfish self-centered diseased humans. I will always love them; it is the disease that I dislike and angers me.
The 3 Cs help me to stop blaming myself and others for the disease. Prayers from my part of the world for all involved also - no matter the relationship to the one afflicted, the pain is huge. For me, sometimes all I can do is pray - for peace, for recovery, for less pain, for grace, etc.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
