The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks for you efforts Debbie I do hpe you recover quickly. I must say that I am very grateful to Al-Anon for teaching me how to "love". I truly thought I understood the definition and was practicing it in all my affairs---But did find out this was not true.
I did attempt to love unconditionally without expectations. However, not having the right tools, I pretended and denied the reality of my feelings, and thought that was love.
The anger, resentment, self-pity and fear grew deep within me and thanks to Al-Anon I learned how to set myself free.
Working the steps especially four through 10, pointed out that I had unrealistic expectations, was manipulative and controlling in all my relationships, and that was why I was not able to feel and express the love within my heart.
Today I can love unconditionally without expectations and am truly grateful.
Feel better Sorry that this is vacatio time . When you become ill on vacation in my Company, if you called in they changedit to "sick days" and your vacation days wee restored. Worth a try :)
(((Debb))) - feel better my friend - take care of you!!!
Thanks so much for the daily post. Like most things, I am not always sure I know what Love is - but through trial and error, I have learned what it is not. Yet another live and learn/process of elimination concept for this gal...
I try to the best of my ability to give of myself in all matters with no expectation of a return. I have been struggling this week as I love my boys dearly but this disease has changed them and if I am not careful, their actions, actions, attitudes and words can suck the life right out of me.
For me, finding the balance between unconditional giving of love, myself, etc. and being used by those I love with this disease is a challenge at times. I am very capable of saying, NO as a complete sentence with almost every other person in my life and they accept and embrace it. However, with my boys, that NO seems to be heard as a maybe, and if I am not mindful, can then become a debate/discussion about what I just said NO to.
I hope for a day when they fully understand that through my love for them, NO is a loving response. No amount of push-back or confusion over this concept will keep me from trying to offer unconditional love and for that I am grateful.
Take care girl - we'll be here when ya feel better!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sorry you're under the weather, Debb. Hope you recover quickly!
I am starting to really learn how my expectations are affecting my relationships when it comes to love and it's been eye opening to say the least. I have to admit that I struggle with this very issue in my current romantic relationship. I can tell a stranger that I love them, but telling my boyfriend is NOT happening any time soon, at least as far as I can see because I have to work on some fear issues. Well, it also helps that he's not very verbally expressive and hasn't said it either, so I kind of feel off the hook from letting those words cross my lips. What I am trying to address, using program and my sponsor, is why can't I say those words? Why do I stop myself even when I know it's what I feel and what is true for me?
Honestly, the answer lies in expectations that will disappoint me or fear of it being unreturned. So, instead, I show my boyfriend (instead of telling him )I love him in other ways. We are both very giving by nature and it's a primary love language for us to serve others. I swear we both are always looking for ways to be of service to the other and i believe it's helped us grow as a couple even though neither one of us is good with words.
For me, I pray that my HP guides me in this area of my recovery because I know it's a struggle for me. I can love and I know I'm capable of it, but for some reason I struggle to speak it. Only my HP and working the steps can help me overcome my fears and my insecurities where love is concerned. Thank you for this topic because it's been on my heart lately.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
