The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So i don't really know where to start, but here i go. I meet my fiance 7 years ago and i fell madly in love with him, not knowing what an alcoholic was. We have been together 7 years now and i have two kids from a previous marriage. There was always sneaking around for him and trying to lie about drinking, but i could always tell by text, the way he talked, walked or even ate. He has stolen money from friends and myself and would call me at work when i was the only one working to support the family. He would just say the most awful things to me about how terrible i am, but i know better. I didn't give him money his mom would give him money for anything he wanted. I got really tired of all of this so i left one day and took my kids and just their clothes and mine and stayed with a friend for 6 months so i could get back on my feet. I didn't speak to him for a year and he came to my job and i saw that he was sober something that i thought would never happen. so as you guessed we got back together and now another year later we are back in the same boat. he is working this time but he will drink at work and has not got caught yet his mom has given him money and i told her what he was going to do and she does not care as long as she can have him live with her, she doesn't care what condition he is in as long as she thinks he will live with her. SICK i know. so the road i'm on now is i know that it is up to him that he has to want to stop for anything to happen and he tells me he wants to, he is going to therapy and to group meeting and is taking naltrexone he is still getting drunk on that pill and is supposed to be put on the vivtrol shot here soon. the shot is what worked for him last time and i hope it works this time but the funding ran out last time that he could not get it anymore. so and advice would be greatly appreciated and welcomed. i'm sorry that i jumped all over the place in this conversation but as you probably know 7 years living like that is all over the place. I'm happy to answer any questions.
Crystal3030, welcome to MIP and for having the courage to share your 7 year story with us. We do not give advice, but what I would strongly recommend is that you join a local face to face Al-anon group. http://al-anon.org/local-meetings Al-anon helps those of us who are affected by the alcoholic, to acquire tools and mediations that help us to break from the destructive emotions and mindsets that come from living with an alcoholic. We also have 2 meetings a day here on MIP and you can work with the membership on the 12-step program, which is key to acquiring the tools necessary to find the answers you seek. Please keep coming back, you are not alone.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Welcome Crystal . Alcoholism is such a destructive, chronic incurable disease, that family members become severely affected and need a program of recovery. I second Debbie's suggestions Please search out alanon meetings and attend
Keep coming back here as well. You are not alone
I am so sorry that you have been living this struggle for such a long time and I admire your ability to see that your fiancé is responsible for his behaviour and his journey to change. It must be frustrating for you to see him receiving what might potentially be inappropriate support from his mother but as you already know we can not control the behaviour of others, only of ourselves.
I know that I struggled to avoid feeling crazy before I discovered this website and the benefits of meeting others who's lives had also be affected by the alcoholism of others. Reading the posts here was a huge help and started me on a learning curve to discover how to look after myself better. I hope that you will stay in touch, keep sharing your experiences and come to understand that you have choices.
crystal3030 - I too welcome you to MIP - glad you found us and glad you found the courage to share!
What's said above me is spot on - this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. I've been around it, exposed to it and in recovery for a while yet still can't totally comprehend how far it reaches to affect others.....it's mind-blowing for sure.
I strongly suggest you work on you - learn to love you, take care of you and your children. It sounds as if he knows he needs to recover, but just hasn't gotten there yet. That's OK - you can choose recovery now - in spite of if or when he does.
We work this program to be the best person we can be in spite of what others are doing or not doing. We work one day at a time to accept things as they are and to focus on what we can affect - our lives, our actions and our reactions.
Keep coming back - you will be truly amazed at the peace of mind you can attain by working the steps, and working this program with all the tools available!
Prayers for all of you - so glad you joined us!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you everyone for the positive support. I have never reached out and I hope this helpes me. Feel good about me and work on me and be ok with the fact that I may have to be without him. I have nothing but faith in him but I need to put that faith in myself.
