So, this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster for a multitude of reasons. 

My gratitude for this job I just beyond my personal ability to express.  Plus I'm hormonal so I have managed to burst into tears from time to time .. lol ... so not me however it's ok.  Thankfully for the most part I have been able to sequester it to my office or my car .. good grief.

I got a very emotionally touching text from my sponsor and my heart just aches at the moment so whatever prayers can continue to be sent would be wonderful.  I had to remind myself this is her journey, my part in it is a very small part however that's my lesson.  I'm not good with stuff like this and I'm trying to figure out how to be there for her and not make it about me.  That was a long car ride home with a lot of tears and heart ache.   

My mother is backing off and not, unfortunately I'm prepared to bite rather hard if she doesn't straight up stop.  I need time to breathe and she's not respecting it after all it's all about her and her struggles .. this is how it has always been and I just can't afford to get sucked in.  Ironically things for me have been in an upswing and I know that things do change .. at least for today .. I'm ok and I'm going to enjoy it at it's fullest.  I do think it's interesting that when I distance myself from her naysaying that my life really without fail takes a huge upswing.  That's just the level of toxicity she brings to the table.  I'm not having to listen to what a failure I am and I can reprogram my own thoughts and behaviors without having any kind of negative garbage thrown at me.  I'm trying to find a positive way not to block her negative thoughts from my mind. 

The XAH is up to his old tricks however I have decided to take a different front ... it's not going for weeks of no communication and I will act immediately.  The good thing about him being married to someone who cares about appearences and it directly affects her job .. action starts happening.  So my daughter is getting some extra money towards a dress for homecoming and my son is getting money for shoes.  If I am in a position to wait until closer to court then I will let him slide with all of the documentation that HE is not doing what he's suppose to do and that will work well for me in court.  I'm not going weeks without payment though and very soon it won't matter if he sends money or not. 

My job .. OMGOSH .. the job the job the job .. I'm totally floored.  I love my boss, her style of management is exactly what I need to excel .. direction and then let me do my thing.  What I love about her is her sense of humor we are right on cue together.  They pay me a lot of money to do not much of anything at the moment and I know that will change drastically, that's ok. This is where I'm coming from however if I just do what I need to do it's all good right?  Sooo .. last week I started laughing because next thing I know I'm booking a private jet to fly off around Texas and at first she wanted me part of it all and then decided next time .. which was disappointing however .. there will be another time I don't doubt.  I do want to see how boots are put together from start to finish.  I'm coming in during a rough month however .. it is what it is and I know that I'm here to learn a lot of different lesson.  I can't wait actually.  Who would have thought that I would be jet setting around the new state I live in .. in a private flipping jet????  Not me .. I was trying to figure out how to hold everything together and wondering if I was on the street in two days .. how things can change and do .. H.O.P.E.  Hold On Pain Ends ..

I'm just trying to do the next right thing and keep that on the front of my mind.  Not waste time and keep doing what I need to do, so that's a good thing. 

I have to stop trying to fit my HP in a box .. my HP is definitely bigger than a box .. lol .. bigger than my issues, and always has the solution even if I don't agree with it at the time. 

It's been a rough week of missing my friends.  I know that things are changing very much for the better and I just need to keep moving forward.  I did tell the kids we are going to stay where we are at until the end of the school year unless we get some rocking deal on a house in their school district.  I'm going to talk to someone about the possibility of purchasing something contract for deed.  We will see.  This is the first time in my life I have really wanted to settle somewhere .. I mean settle to grow roots and plant them down good.  I don't want to move the kids yet again, so I'm being pretty stubborn about the whole deal at the moment .. LOL.  I'll let my HP sort it all out. 

Hugs all,

S :)

PS - If I didn't mention I'm going to apply for school come next fall.  Hello Accounting .. I don't know if I want to do the whole CPA deal however .. we'll see.  I do need some courses though so I can better understand what I'm doing and be more marketable.