Aloha Allison and welcome to the board, the MIP Family.  Let this be your new home and check in often.   Social drinking to an alcoholic...no such thing.  Alcoholics drink because they have to and if they try not to the disease will do some butt kicking.   The relationship with alcohol for the alcoholic is the strongest one they have and the most necessary.  Should you go along with the idea of social drinking?  What I learned that works in the Al-Anon Family Groups is to stick with your decisions and follow thru as promised otherwise the disease gets affirmed at being most powerful and it is.  You both will loose because alcoholism is a fatal disease and the alcoholic is changed by a mind and mood altering chemical which affects the behavior, body, spirit and mind each and every time.  You loose the husband you want to have.   If he is not drinking now and planning to social drink in the future...he is drinking.  I am a recovering alcoholic myself and I can think/drink without the bottle in my hand though I have the programs of AA and Al-Anon in my life.   We don't give advise in program we share experience, strength and hope.  Keep coming back as the family will be wanting to share their ESH with you also.   In the mean time look up in the white pages of your local telephone book to find the hotline number to Al-Anon in your town.  You are not alone...we are all over the world.   Its that kind of disease.   (((((hugs)))))

Welcome to MIP!
Allison, I agree with JerryF, it would be wise to hold strong connections to your
Al-anon group and go to frequent meetings. I realize you would like to know
the future and wish that your AH share his plans after the monitor comes off,
but your focus should be on you and your children in the present. Wishing
you the best possible outcomes and please keep coming back. {{HUGS}}

Thanks jazzie. I feel it would be different if the person was "working a program" and trying to use the tools to stay sober but a relapse with no sign of working anything is hard for me to face, our kids are 10, 7 and 6 and I also want to keep them from the crazy household we once had

Hi Allison, and welcome!

No advice from me, but I will share something from my own past.

After almost 6 years of marriage, my AW's drinking got the the point that I couldn't deal anymore. I asked my parents to come down and help me move out. She convinced me to give her another chance, that she would stop drinking, etc. She stopped drinking, but did not find recovery or her way to AA. Six months later, we were on our way to a wedding, and she asked if I would leave her if she slipped up and had a beer at the wedding. Things had been going really well, and I said that, no, I would not. She took this as permission to drink at the wedding, and then generally in life. Things spiraled for both of us downward with her drinking more and more, and me drinking too much to cope with her drinking, and feeling responsible for the whole thing because, had I said that I would leave her if she drank at the wedding (I thought) she wouldn't have started on the spiral again.

What I am learning in AlAnon is that active alcoholics are going to drink. Nothing I can do about it. My saying yes or no would have had zero impact on her drinking, because she was still extremely active in her disease. Instead of trying to make things just right so she doesn't drink, I am learning to focus my attention on myself, my pups, and our needs. In this way, I can find happiness and serenity for myself. Establishing and enforcing strong boundaries is also especially important. Once I know what I want, clearly stating this as well as consequences and being willing to follow through on the consequences is vital.

Sarah

Funny how things sometimes happen as if by magic.
I attended an AA open meeting tonight. Key fact from members was that Alcoholics can not drink socially. If they think they can then they don't believe they are an alcoholic.
Ive read much of the BB and its enlightening.

Only alcoholics ask if they are one
Only alcoholics will try all means possible to prove they are not alcoholic and on each occasion they will fail
Only alcoholics will be able state reasons for getting drunk

Sounds very much like your husband hasn't reached the point of acceptance and until this happens then the roller coaster will continue.
You need decide at which point you get off, or put the breaks on, and thats not easy when there is kids, but you need to focus on you and your child and apply "detachment with love" if the need arises.

It won't stop him doing what he wants, and nor should you, as he is his own person and has the right to make his own choices in life. But in doing so he must realise that there are consequences.
From your post it sounds like he has taken sobriety seriously and is keeping it up but the deterrent is 30 days holiday.
You need to focus on you and decide fair boundaries & consequences should he relapse when the bracelet comes off, but you are also just as ill as a consequence of his actions and you need to ensure you aren't contibuting by assuming he will relapse and frustrating things i.e. giving I'm another excuse to drink.

If your relationship is open you could raise your concerns will him and explain how grateful you are for his current sobriety and how upset you were before hand. He needs to realise the good and bad and which one was created through alcohol. Not and easy conversation and he would be within his rights to tell you to mind your own business.

Get along to face to face meetings and enlist the support/education provided to enable you to focus on you not what might be in the future.
You will feel more positive and your changed reactions to what will come will enable you to deal with the situation much better. He will notice a difference and you will remove one potential excuse.

Nothing wrong with putting in place a plan for what you will do if he does relapse and telling him of your concerns in advance can be beneficial. This could include moving to friends for a few days; separate rooms, loss of contact with Kids. These aren't punishments, they are reasonable boundaries which can be applied so that the situation has less effect on you. The important things is you must be prepared to carry them out without fail. In this conversation you can also stress how nice he's been during the period of sobriety compared to when he was drinking and that you don't want to go backwards. Listen to his words and give him the chance to prove it.

One thing I have learnt via my experience is that "I didn't cause it and I can't solve it"

You've made a great start by getting to Alanon, but it sounds like you needs to work the steps.
Key messages: Keep coming back; It only works if YOU work it; Live and let God

Lots of huggs n prayers being sent your way from the uk.

Allison - my best suggestion is work the program and learn how to set boundaries. Then instead of asking what he plans to do (or not do), you can state exactly what your boundaries are and what you can/can not live with or endure any longer. Take back your own power and you'll be able to detach with love. A great tool about this program is it gives us back our right to decide how we want to live, as well as helps us learn to say what we mean, mean what we say, but don't say it meanly.

You can become your own best advocate in a short period of time - December is a long ways off considering we try to live one day at a time!