The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last week I decided to go on a serious diet, serious meaning I was committed to eating healthier. It is day 8 and I have stayed on it. I have found that I am just feeling a lot better, with this my confidence has grown. With this, I am not being a doormat anymore.
Monday, stood up for myself with a co worker that has been really mean to me for the past year, ever since I started this job.
Sunday, had it out with my neighbor who decided to yell at me after I nicely asked him to put bark collars on his dogs when he lets them out at 3 a.m.
Today, decided not to attend my step son's wedding reception. My husband can't go, I wanted to take another family member and was told no. This led to a discussion that my son who is in college would be invited when others declined which sent me through the roof....It's a long story, the ex wife's entire family and the bride's entire family are invited, only a couple of people from the groom's family are invited. It's their wedding, but I don't feel comfortable going alone due to the invitation list. I told them to give my rsvp to another friend after getting several texts regarding their "limited seats" excuse.
I had no idea all this was going to happen after I decided to finally start getting really serious about taking care of myself.
Any support on this is appreciated, husband is working overseas for a month so I am on my own....
Mercedes1959, so very happy that you are eating healthy and feeling better!!! Standing up for yourself, by saying what you mean, meaning what you say and not saying it meanly, I found is the best way to handle situations and people who you have to stand up too. I also weigh the situation, and consider if I am wasting my energy by confronting a "drunk in a bar" so to speak, and if what I need to resolve is worth the effort. Sometimes I consider that detaching from a situation/persons, as opposed to confronting it/them is a better way to handle others problem(s) without creating more for myself! Sounds like you are working the program!! {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thanks Debb, I have been detaching for a long time with the work situation, that was not working...the wedding situation is not worth a fight, I am detaching from that. Thanks for your support.
Hello~Welcome to your new stand on not being a doormat anymore! I was a doormat for most of my life, until alanon, now over two years in program. I made a little progress prior to alanon, but since obtaining all the support including an alanon tool box, no one gets away with too much anymore. I'm not perfect at it, but definitely making progress. I also state my needs or displeasure in a respectful way. I think that allows others to "hear" me. I like standing up for myself so much. This is a much better way to live. Keep coming back! Lyne
Firstly, congratulations on the self care measures your taking concerning healthy eating. I made that decision a few months back and it's been affirming to see and feel the positive results. It's inspired confidence. I can accomplish what I set out to do if I focus on my needs.
You sound like you're doing a good job building on your self care goal by expanding it to other areas of your life as well. Our program teaches us that we have a right to make choices that honor ourselves. For me, this includes saying NO to other people and YES to myself when I choose. I take it situation by situation. I try to examine my motive for saying YES or NO so I can continue to grow in this program. It progress to no longer "people please."
Thanks for sharing your growth concerning resisting saying YES to people when you really want to say NO. You're doing great work being self supporting!
To thine own self be true.
((((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I had to tell my stepson that I just don't feel comfortable coming to his reception alone...that is the truth, I dreaded going actually and it could have been bad if I had gone feeling this way.
I saw that many others were bringing up to 3 guests and didn't think it would be an issue if I changed my rsvp. I am not going to beat myself up over this....just going to detach....
Hey Robin (a/k/a mercedesI applaud your commitment to your health and congratulate you on your success so far!!
I completely understand the 'doormat' part - as that's how I feel at times. Of course, I am famous for being brutally honest and that's on me and not always well received. We've got high drama right now as we have a new baby coming soon. What should be a fun, exciting time has turned into a drama fest and well - let's just say that you would think someone here was having a quadruple bypass....a part of me wants to scream that it's just a baby.....
I will be extremely happy when we are on the other side. Having said that, we are all trying to help and it just doesn't seem to be enough, good enough, etc. *sigh* - again - will be happy when we are on the other side.
I finally suggested I needed to do somethings around my own home and to just text me if help was needed, and that was apparently the wrong thing to say. I am hanging out and am laying low but my son called and told me I was insensitive to her needs. I suggested she had a heart, mind and soul and could tell me herself vs. engaging him and well - you can imagine how it went after that. I just bit my tongue, let him vent and then said the same thing - text me when I am needed.
I know they are stressed and I know that it's a huge deal to them. I have been very patient for a long while and it wasn't liked that I wanted to do things for me/my home today. So - I did kind of set myself up for this so am regrouping. So, looking at my motives and doing some praying today is a good go-to for me when there is drama/chaos beyond my scope.
So sorry about the wedding situation/reception. I have a family wedding this weekend and am trying to look forward to it. Family is a challenge for me, always has been and probably always will be. Not always sure why but it's true.
Keep doing what you are doing and keep taking care of you!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hey there Hope!!! So glad you came over here - welcome to the Discussion Area!!!
Huge (((Hugs))) to you!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What an inspiring post! Thank you! Isn't it nice and empowering to realize that we get to live the life we are meant to (healthy living, saying no and meaning it, taking care of ourselves).
I personally have noticed some of the 'isms' that we talk about show up in the form of emotional or unhealthy eating in my case. Eating well and exercising always set the tone for feeling better...thanks so much for sharing!
