The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today, my AH who is not supposed to have unsupervised contact with kids, came home! And drunk! .I was upstairs, suddenly I hear his voice downstairs talking to the kids...my heart skipped a beat. I came downstairs, there he is, on the couch talking to the kids.Both kids looked scared, teary .Omg! What's wrong with him?.He said he wanted to see them...what? HE can't just show up. It's court ordered. I nicely asked him to please leave-which surprisingly he did.
Now I'm very concerned about the kids. I asked why were they crying, they couldn't say much.
They probably think they are in trouble for talking to him. My daughter (age 7) asked if it was safe for him to be home.
My kids don't lie..if the case worker randomly ask them if they saw daddy..I bet they will says yes. I refused to ask them to lie.
We spoke of the affect alcoholism has on the young at this mornings meeting and I shared my experience working with them clinically and as an Alateen sponsor and School counselor. They are deeply affected and know the feeling of powerlessness at a much deeper level than we do until they learn freedom from fear. Get some Alateen literature from your Al-Anon home group and bring it home to the kids...that works. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Mvg, so sorry that this happened to you and the children.
Jerry's suggestion about Ala-teen literature would definitely
be helpful for the children and you. {{HUGS}} to you all.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
mvg - so sorry for this - this just shows the unpredictability of the disease and the diseased.
I agree with the Al-a-Teen suggestion and also just keep reassuring them that you are there for them. I am not the favorite person for my two boys as I had to step up big time to be the mom, dad, probation officer and only God knows what else. I did my best and I think they know that now that they are adults. But, while they may still be angry and hurt, they know I have always been and will remain a constant source of support for them.
(((Hugs))) to you - I would check the paperwork carefully - laws vary from location to location but in our county, when there are court orders in place, the act of omission is 'as bad' as a direct lie to the court. Check the 'order to report' area if there is one.
Hang in there, one day at a time, you will get through this!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
There are special clinics in some areas for children of alcoholics, and I mean for the little ones, before teenage years. They have groups and individual counseling so I would check if you have an alcohol resource center where you live, that could give you this information if it exists where you live. I know how I have been affected, and my grown son, so if you can prevent damage now it would be so helpful. Everyday my A gives me the opportunity to practice my tools. I no longer expect my A to change, but I am certainly changing for the better. Be kind to yourself! Lyne
