The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Strangely, I'm relieved that my son was arrested yesterday! He was released almost one month ago and lacked the motivation to get into a program on his own so predictably was arrested again for possession.
The first thing he said when he called from jail was "at least now you know that I'm safe" I had really been waiting for "the other shoe to drop" ever since he was released a month ago.
He was all for getting treatment the last time he was in jail, but it's funny the closer he got to his release date the less interested he was in rehab! I guess he needed one more lesson and when we spoke yesterday (from jail) he admitted that he wasn't ready to be out the last time.
Please pray for him to find peace and come to realize that his disease will not go away on its own and that he must seek treatment for this disease as you would any other illness!
Prayers and positive thoughts for you both Carolm.....I do know that I had enormous peace of mind each time my son was in jail. I did figure he was safer there than on the streets.
Take this time to work on you and your recovery. (((Hugs))) to you and him too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Yes I felt relieved when my boy was in jail too, 3 squares and a cot, and maybe some help for their addiction. Now is a good time to think about yourself Carolm. Go to meetings and read the Alanon literature. This way when your boy is ready to get straight and sober, you will be there and strong to point him in the right direction. For many years I enabled my boy, and now I realize I was feeling guilt on how I raised him so I was always trying to make it up to him by spoiling him (enabling). But you and I did the best we could in raising our children in the best way we knew how at the time. Today is a new day take care of yourself you deserve it, truly you do, forget the guilt and the mistakes, move on to the new impoved you. Your son would want that for you, he would be glad to see you happy and fulfilled, and at the same time you are setting a good example.
Thanks for the kind words of understanding! It helps!! My friend suggested that I write a letter to the judge asking that my son NOT be released but instead sent to a court-ordered program. He says that he wants treatment!! Does anyone have experience with that? I am 2000 miles away and not able to be in court.
The last time he was in jail, he was just released "to the street" and only lasted one month before being arrested again for possession. I had requested rehab for him the last time, but the release date came before he got a bed.....plus he failed to turn in his applications on time
My experience ... unless you have power of attorney and/or rights to his privacy, you may be limited in what you can do.
If he's serious, he can request what you mention via his PD (public defender). You most certainly can find out who the PA (prosecuting attorney) is and leave a voicemail and/or send an email. Having the case # will help them align your message to the case.
This is based on my area, but I think it's reasonably consistent. If you choose to get involved, ensure you are speaking for him vs. for yourself. Otherwise it's possibly going to back-fire and is certainly enabling.
(((Hugs))) to you.....prayers continue!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm a bit nervous today! My son will be arraigned today. He tells me that he plans to ask the court to let him stay in jail until he gets in a program! He was released (from the same jail) about one month ago and, you guessed it, relapsed on the first day out! He says now that he wasn't ready to get out the last time, doesn't want to go back to the street and is ready to change his life! The jails in California are overcrowded and penalties for possession are minimal.......so I am praying that the judge will let him stay until a bed opens up for him in a treatment program! Please keep him in your prayers today!
I am so proud of myself for stepping back, not making frantic phone calls to the public defender etc. etc. I told my son that I respect him enough to let him get in the driver's seat and run his own life!
Well, the state of California dropped the felony possession charges and released my son back to the street! The last he said to me was that he would ask the judge if he could stay in jail until he got in a program. Guess not!! The only way that I know he was released was by calling the jail! And of course, I had put money on his account (for phone calls etc.) thinking that he would be locked up for a couple of weeks at least. So they gave him the cash upon release! Soooooo..... I haven't heard from him yet!
My blood pressure is back up! So crazy that I would WANT my child to be in jail! I was totally in acceptance mode as log as he was locked up! So now it's back to that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, hoping and praying that my child doesn't become a statistic!
Please pray for him to seek help today and for me to find some serenity and acceptance!!
carolm-What is so awful is "the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach" that comes and goes depending on what is happening to your son. I too fight that every day and I don't know how to make it go away. When I think my son is safe, I can carry on. No amount of reading, meetings, talking makes that feeling go away. And now I keep thinking of all the good times that he had when he was functioning and the loses: partner, access to his baby, jobs, friends, cars, nice places to live, on and on. I feel haunted.
It's true! When it's your child, the fear just won't go away! Yes, I pray and try to put it in God's hands, but still as a mother have the urge to DO SOMETHING!!!!! I just can't believe they just dropped the charges!! Well, at least he had 4 days to detox a bit and think things over!
My mantra, over and over, is -maybe this time. So maybe it will be this time for your son.
I hope the detox went ok. It took 4 days last week for my son to withdraw.
