The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
And what is it with all the little white lies A's tell??? Silly everyday things he lies about...stuff that wouldn't even require lying!!!! When he knows I caught him in one he'll just say he was kidding.....
Beach, it is not unusual for an alchoholic to have a twisted perspective on life. I know that it is a bit maddening to have to deal with the way your "A' is acting, but working the Al-anon steps and attending f2f meetings, is the best way to get a handle on yourself and develop the coping skills that we have all lost due to dealing with this disease.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
You're right. The little lies drove me crazy the most. I can understand lying to protect some big thing, but the little ones that are just so annoying. But it didn't really matter if he was lying or not. I still didn't trust him to tell the truth ever. Get to meetings and learn it doesn't even matter if he lies that the sky is green and the grass is blue. You have your own truth and you can look at him and say, "You may be right".... and then walk away with your serenity intact.
It drove me crazy when my wife would lie to me when she was active. It was worse because before she became A she told the truth scrupulously. That was part of what I had to work through going to meetings and reading my literature. I found that her disease had hold of her and she wasn't herself.
As seem almost inhiman because of this very trait, it was only when I realized how sick she was and accepted it that I could figure out what to do with it. It can be a long maddening journey, doing the steps and having a sponsor helps a lot
I learned from my own self inventory that my lies...big or small what ever the color was actually saying "I'm afraid" of what? the truth, the silence, the focus the weak ego. When I tackled my fear "of" I got comfortable with myself and didn't need to lie. Lots of others do it for the same reasons It's almost magical to ask yourself the question, "Well...why do I lie or did I lie"? and then allow the real answer to arrive. Try it...it works. (((((hugs)))))
You've gotten great feedback here. I just know that my XAH used to lie about stupid small stuff too. I learned to just not believe much that came out of his mouth. I really didn't expect the truth from him anyway, so there was no reason to get upset about it. I just learned to let it go.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
It used to drive me crazy dealing with all of the lies my ex would tell, so I can relate. Playing fact checker to a compulsive liar is a full-time job, and as it turns out a very distracting one. It wasn't until after we split that I realized there was another liar standing in the room with her.
