The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH, who hasn't drank in 1 week is driving me crazy. I am angry with him because of all that has been done to our relationship. He wants to act like nothing is wrong, I am having a tough time with this. He sends me cute, (dumb), little texts and I don't know how to reply because, in all reality, I don't care. I don't even know if I want this relationship to work. I have been with him for 16 years and although the last 2 have been the roughest we've always had a rocky relationship. I want him to end it though so I don't feel guilty, or screw up and drink so I don't feel guilty. I want him sober for our kids but I just don't know where my heart is right now. I don't' know how to reply to him.
Last week when I told him to leave and then when he decided to come back, I told him he needed to stop drinking and get help. He has not gotten any help, he told me he didn't need it in so many words. I've gone to AA before,(after a DUI), before I knew him, and they didn't help. I think that if he doesn't reach out to something I am going to have to tell him that we need to separate for a bit till he can get help. Even if he stays Dry I really think he needs the therapy of AA.
You are in the right place and welcome. One thing you will learn here is that you cannot control another person. You can't control how they act or how they think. And you are coming from a very different place than your AH is. He is in the grip of the disease and it is running his show. What you have to do is start running your own and doing what is good for you. If that means leaving him, then so be it.
Al Anon will help you to detach from his thinking and deal with you. It teaches you to take the focus off him and put it on yourself. That is one thing that was both so hard and so liberating for me. Going to meetings does help and so does coming in and reading the postings here.
So sorry that you're having a difficult time. We've all been there - the anger and resentments last much longer than the drama and chaos. It's as if they are 'on hold' until there is quiet and then they surface.
My best suggestion is what's been mentioned - get yourself engaged in the program. I had tried all kinds of things to move beyond my crazy thinking, blame, etc. and the only thing that helped me heal and move forward was the Al-Anon program. This program gave me the tools necessary to get well, focus on me and forgive those I love who are/were sick. We were all sick in the disease and once I accepted that and worked on me, it became much easier to forgive us all and let God handle the rest.
(((Hugs))) to you - get involved, read the literature, get a sponsor and study the program. It's worth it and you won't regret putting you first.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm feeling the same way right now. We are separated but we have a three year old daughter. Our five year wedding anniversary is next Friday. His drinking isn't everyday. It's very sporadic. The last incident was
Continued....Last week when I found our three year old in our front yard unattended. My husband drove to daycare to pick her up, drunk, and left her in the yard when he got home. I pulled around the corner minutes after he came home thank god. I took his keys and wallet and called his mother to come get him. We are now separated. My younger sister died in my arms from a drunk driving accident when I was 10. So needless to say, when I found out my husband was drinking and driving with my daughter, I lost it!! I'm not sure what my next step is...
