The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I woke up early this morning and really didn't want to face the day,I wanted to shut down, but my feelings keep coming in waves,okay,rough morning,what is it,what is this fear,moments of silence and then I know the truth,I am afraid I am going to get another call,I have family members who drink and use.I have one granddaughter that drinks and uses and another one who cuts herself.I am realizing what a sick family I was born into and the legacy has been passed on.Don't get me wrong this isn't guilt or anger about it,I am just facing the truth of it.My father was a raging alcoholic as was my grandmother and grandfather.So it is intertwined with me as much as anything else you grow up with.I was a perfect candidate for trying to save alcoholics,I watched my grandma die from it,I was in the room when she died,I used to go with my mom and hunt for my dad at the bars, and there was violence when he was drunk.It was so bad I used to hide in the closet.Reality is sinking in and I am facing it a little at a time.It is okay now because I know I was not responsible for my father being sick.The tears that I am crying are not just for my ex,but for my grandma,my dad and my grandpa.I loved them dearly.So today could be pretty rough,First thing I need is God to hold me up today and a meeting,and I don't have class today but I do have a pretty tough final to work on and my instructor is at school today in the library.She said if anyone needed help to come and see her.She talked to me when she heard of my ex passing and she held my hand and said," I really care, my brother was an alcoholic."We talked a good while and share a bond now.
Mary grieving and recovery bring out a
Lot of hidden emotions and feelings. Hold
Onto Alanon,your sponsor and any other
healthy support You have. You are facing
your truths.
Grieving is a journey in itself, let it be what
It is, a process. Be gentle with yourself and
Practice plenty of self love and care. Let God
Guide you and hold you. Peace will come in
His Time.
I am Coming in a Bit Late but I wanted to Say I'm Very Sorry to Hear of your Loss (Had to back track a bit to read up) I Love that you are Staying on top of your Sharing, I Can say when I Lost my Dad to Alcoholism in 08 and Found MIP Days Later, I too had about Every Emotion you mentioned in your Previous posts.. And Because I too am Surrounded by Addicts/Alcoholics and the Like this Post Truly Shows You & I are in a Similar Boat with our Family Dynamic, I have/had 3 Grandparents, 2 Gr. Grandparents, My Father, All 4 of My Siblings, Niece, and Step Kids ALL Alcoholics/Addicts and I too am an Alcoholic... Coming up on 5yrs Sober Next Month...
I Went thru this Very thought after Loosing my Dad, I Then felt like the Rest ALL had Numbers on them, and I was going to be One too if I Didn't Get my Crap together...
You are Doing Amazing... You are So Full of Program, and Tools that Your Walking thru this, and Sharing it with others is Truly a Blessing... I So Needed to Hear I wasn't Alone when I Lost My Dad, and Since his Death, I have since lost Friends in the Double Digits to OD, Car Wrecks you name it... Its a Tough Road to Be On... But Having a Safe Place to Share your ESH, and Help others without even knowing your doing it is a Beautiful Thing...
Be Gentle on yourself and Again THANK YOU For Sharing it Step By Step Here, We are Survivors even when we are Feeling Weak... So Thanks for Bringing it here, and Not Only Helping You, but So Many Others that have and ARE Experiencing the Same thing... My Childhood told me Greif was BAD... I had to be TOUGH... Al-Anon Told Me I Must First Accept I'm Human and Grief is OK...
Thank you for sharing Jozie, I needed that.I had a lot of plans for today but I decided to just pay a bill,call my therapist for an appointment and eat something and then just try to relax.I am tired and I am going to try to focus on a movie,I just think I need to rest today.I am so glad that you found recovery.He went downhill fast,he quit meetings and started with some drinking then on to heroin.
