The material presented
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The funeral was a good closure for me.There were a lot of people there,family,friends,everyone had a heavy heart because of the way he died.A lot of disrespect also,drinking buddies,reeking of alcohol,one of them drinking outside,And these were the people he rushed off to be with, and they will be drunk tonight, not really getting what just happened.I thought of a lot of things,but,mostly I was angry.His poor mother weeping, and friends and loved ones gathering.I thought it was just selfish to do this,to have so many people rooting for him and he couldn't see it.I don't understand how he could just leave us all like this.To be so all consumed with himself and that was the only solution.I found myself weary from it all and I left the funeral home a little lighter,I didn't go to the party afterward,I mean really,he just died from addiction and the family couldn't wait to go drink.I felt like I was the only person in that room who really knew him and his struggles.It was so sad and sick,his "special friend" was there,the girl that introduced him to heroin,wailing and crying.I felt sorry for her,because she has no clue what it means to really love someone and I do.
((Mary))) I found that remembering the important fact that alcoholism is often fatal disease helped me to process the funeral and the"Friends". You showed up, remembered him with love and compassion and then did not continue to"celebrate" Good for you" Glad you came here.
I joined a grief support group for a few months that helped in conjunction with my alanon meetings. Keep being gentle with yourself.
I know when my brother passed away from his disease it was very similar and drinking buddies showed up and a big party afterwards. In fact some of them made comments during an emotional eulogy referencing the addiction that had stole his life. They were overheard saying what the hell is this an AA meeting. I excused their ignorance for lack of ability to process their own pain and simply felt sad for them as many of them have now likely had the same fate. Don't underestimate the unconditional love you gave your husband when you were able to. Remember the good times and take care of yourself. Hugs.
I guess I have more work to do.I am angry at the so called "friends" he spent so much time with,or maybe I am just sad that we really didn't have a chance in hell to get to know each other as real human beings because of this disease.
Addiction is tragic and losing someone we love is very very painful. You have every right to all of your feelings and my deepest heartfelt sympathy is with you as you travel through your grief.
(((Mary))) - so glad that you were able to find a bit of closure and so very sorry for all that you are feeling/dealing with.
This disease is so cunning, baffling and powerful - it is deadly and those who suffer most are those left behind. Feel proud that you did love him and that you honored him by attending the funeral. I always have to remind myself how powerless I truly am when the actions and behaviors of others affect my serenity. Don't give your power away to those others who attended - you've worked hard for your recovery and they are just not worth it.
Nobody understands the disease until you've experienced it and faced it. So many live in denial - those with it and those who enable them. You stood tall and chose recovery. He was either not able to or not willing to, but either way, he's got to be in a better place.
Know that prayers continue for you and positive thoughts are still coming from my way to yours.
You are not alone - I too am glad you decided to come here instead of the 'party'. My family has done the exact same thing - celebrated the death of an alcoholic with a huge drinking event. But that's what they always do - funerals, weddings, holidays, etc. That's how they cope and how it's always been.
Stay close to your program, feel your feelings and you will get through this!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank You and my feelings are bouncing all over the place right now I am waffling between intense sadness and anger.I am going to look for more support,like a group for grief.I have been doing so well I am afraid I am going to go into a bad depression.I feel like someone has ripped my heart out.
