The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
today, i feel confused. some days i feel strong and positive that i will do fine if i leave ah [after 25yrs] Today, things are mellow because ah is not drinking and trying to get some money/court things fixed. I think my decesion is a good one, then i think..oh i can deal with it being dull, but i know, he will be off on binges again. When im out in the world i can be myself and laugh and converse etc also about many topics. The i get home and wonder if i care about ah anymore soooooooooooo confused. n the very recent past there has been alot of drinking drama and tension.
When the drama takes a break and/or ceases, it's different. Different for me at first appeared boring. As I worked this program, different (drama-free/drama-reduced living) became the goal and my sanctuary. I do fully understand that you are confused - it's perhaps so different than before, it seems as if....you don't know what to do next - that's how it felt for me.
When I felt confused, I usually turn to my daily readers and/or other literature. I need to be diligent in keeping me and my recovery on the front burner. If I drift, I tend to loose focus, with self-doubt quickly following.
Know that each day is different and each day is an opportunity to trust the process, trust your program and trust your HP. Calm is good, calm is good!
(((Hugs))) to you - one day at a time is the best we can do!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I felt the same way YC, for the longest time. When I finally detached, with love and empathy. Found my peace and serenity because of Al-anon, I was able to feel and think with more clarity. With clarity I could now see the good in AH and let go of the bad, and what I discovered in my recovery was that I had my life and AH has his. What he does is his business and vice versa. So, the bottom line is that I was no longer confused.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
When I decided to leave my marriage .. It was like ripping a bandaid off with the scab coming off. In my case it was the affair that broke the camel's back. Now that I have space, time and perspective I'll be honest the only thing holding my marriage together was the addiction. We had nothing in common, not even the kids since he didn't participate in that. I still haven't found my quite place it's coming. I was ready to leave when I was ready. Hugs just keep coming back. The program helped me be ok with my choices. Hugs s :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I think I know what you are describing. Things will go o.k. for a while, even though my AH is still actively drinking, but I will start to second guess what I know deep down is fact...it is confusing but Al Anon is helping feel less and less confused as time goes on.
