The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for September 2 speaks about the first step. It points our that in the beginning we do a lot of thinking about the words,Admitting, Powerlessness and life being unmanageable .Later on we tend to do a lot of feelings about it as well. The feeling work can be described, mostly in one word GRIEF.
I can readily identify with the sadness and grief caused by needing to take the first step, and admit that alcoholism was a disease over which I was powerless.
Like many ,I too suffered the loss of my dreams as well as the terrible loss of my son to this disease .
The reading goes on to say that it is a very difficult process to witness a person's descent from health and happiness to death by this disease. In order for us to recover ,we must own the feelings of grief in order to move past them,learn the lessons and grow.
I don't hate the disease but do feel fiercely it's Powerful presence in my life. I see distinctly the damage that it has done in my family, my friends and myself.
I grieve for the loss of life and love). I grieve for the lost years I have spent jumping through the loops of this disease because when I have grappled with it I have been defeated.
The reminder for today states: I have suffered many losses as a result of alcohol ---part of admitting the effects of this disease on my life is admitting my grief. By facing alcoholism's impact on my life, I begin to move out of the grip into a life Of Promise and Hope.
The quote states "it's not easy to admit defeat and give into that powerful foe, alcoholism. Yet, the surrender is absolutely necessary if we are ever to have same happy lives again."
I have been sorting, clearing out, and cleaning at home. I stumbled upon a catch of saved cards my wife and I gave to each other several years ago. I can clearly see the increased impact of the disease on our relationship, as told through the length and content of additional messages on the cards to the lack of card altogether (why spend $4 on a card, when that money can be spent on alcohol?).
I struggled with thinking that I had become a different person, and guilt associated with that, and then I came to realize that I was actually grieving the loss of a relationship that I wanted and have not had for a very long time, if I ever had it at all. Today's reading is a good reminder that as I progress through my program, I can revisit step one and understand it in a more complex way.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Betty for your daily posts. I can remember the relief that I felt from losing my GRIEF, after I worked the 1st step. Was so eager afterwards to move onto the other steps. I do not hate the disease either, I am just so grateful that I was able to come to terms with it and not harbor any hatred or resentment. The last thing I wanted was to be in a constant sarcastic and resentful mindset with AH. I wanted to understand and move on to better and less stressful days. So happy that I am part of MIP and Al-anon.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Still playing catch up - thanks for the daily Betty and for your service to MIP!!
Powerlessness and surrender are two very powerful words and actions. For me, both were utterly necessary in every facet of my being - thoughts, actions, deeds, etc. to become ready and able to receive a new way to be.
Both the quote and thought for the day are great ones for frequent reference. So very pointed and so very true!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
