The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ~ Albert Einstein
I read that basically insanity is, your mind writing checks that your body cant cash (Growing Yourself Back Up: Understanding Emotional Regression ~ John Lee), interesting way at looking at the definition of insanity. So if we have been unhappy with our present state of relationships, with the alcoholic/addict(s) in our lives (did not know that addict is the Latin word for surrender), because of the chaos/drama of the disease, and what we have been doing has not been working for years, then it is time to stop the insanity and find something that does work. Al-anon does work, I am finally at peace because of the Al-anon slogans, prayers, steps, traditions, concepts, meditations, meetings, MIP, acronyms and HP that all work when I work and practice them! Al-anon/MIP offers us all a place to go to get the support we need as we to recover from the insanity and learn to lose those negative behaviors, anger, resentments, fears and anxieties.
What helped me the most was the support of all the lovely people here on MIP and learning that I was not responsible for my A's drinking, that alcoholism was a disease that I couldn't control, cure or change. With that information I was better able to lose the anger and resentment and see that my AH really had no control over himself. Once I reached the point of empathy, I was better able to love and understand and therefore detach. Detaching is so imporatnt, to be able to focus on myself and work the 12-steps. I stopped the insanity and got my life back!!
Wishing you all peace and love today!
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Good morning, Debb, suggesting that my actions and behavior, boarded on "insanity " when I first entered program really riled me. When I first heard the second step that stated I would be restored to sanity, I wanted to argue about how sane and rational. I was compared to the insanity that I was living with .
When Al-Anon defined " insanity" as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, my denial lifted and it made sense to me. As I processed this, I found I repeated the same thing over and over because I had run out of options and knew no other way --enter alanon with constructive tools to live by.
The more I kept an open mind, and kept showing up, examining my motives, my beliefs. the more I discovered, how irrational and unreasonable I had become. I know that growing up in a dysfunctional home I developed many coping tools that worked as a child. Focusing on others instead of myself, kept them away from me and I felt safe. Believing that I was all-powerful, could make others behave in a certain fashion if I just treated them well or understood them was also a misconception. I could go on and on regarding the insanity of my thoughts. I am so just grateful that Al-Anon has given me the tools to reach for sanity, one day at a time.
Program says. I must be aware before I can make any changes. Awareness, acceptance and action, the three A's have been a true gift to me. I do believe I could not have admitted any of my shortcomings or" insanity"unless Ihad been provided with the tools to respond in a healthier fashion. Denial and pretend were also my insane coping tools that worked. Al-Anon showed me how having principles above personalities(including my own) was important, as was a firm belief in a higher power, tools to let go of the past as well as projecting to the future, so that I could live in the present moment, where all true change must occur Thanks for the topic . Have a blessed day
Thank you for the topic and your ESH, always enlightening! The AlAnon definition of insanity makes sense to me now, but in the throes of my futile efforts to change the alcoholic, it never entered into my mind.
I was raised with the mindset of never giving up, you're not done until your job is done or goal is reached. I carried that view proudly, and fiercely hung onto my methods far longer than was healthy for me, or for my qualifier. The only thing I succeeded in doing was wearing us both done to a dangerous mental state.
AlAnon guided me to two important realizations: 1) The path to recovery for the alcoholic could only be discovered by the alcoholic, not on a forced march led by me. And 2) that anything I did to try to control or influence that discovery was harmful to them, and devastating to me.
Ending my monitoring, coaching, lecturing, pleading, chastising was not giving up on them, did not mean I was a "quitter", it meant that I cared enough to give us both the best chance for recovery. I am so grateful for AlAnon and the loving care that is expressed by its members daily that help me see things from a more healthy perspective
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
